Defecation accidentally clogged loo courtesy Dulcolax...

though detested as a topic de jure of conversation a functioning ability to expel human waste could smell the difference between life and death in bowel obstruction situations.

(otherwise titled chief champion toilet clogger)

argh yew ably offal for the umpteenth time
during spate to sit not so scrawny buttocks
on porcelain throne id est
videre licet toilet bowl...
and upon flushing the human waste
eyes bulged and bugged out me head
cause toxic water brew threatened

to overflow onto the floor,
and hence found yours truly (me)
immersing himself in the holistic experience
slowly inhaling and exhaling
to calm the frayed nerves
for the pure love of bucket flushing
since applying plunger to no avail
found me able, eager, ready and willing

to whoosh upon a star to enlist
the entrepreneurial daring doo doo
of eldest offspring who designed a corkerasp*

and found (me) zee papa frankly
zapped, pooped, fatigued, et cetera out,

thus daring poster boy afflicted
by recurrent frequent bouts of constipation

and no matter yours truly
shared more than once the essence
of this embarrassing communiqué,
I did post quite a few times in the past,

a reasonably rhyming poetic shout out

to air flatulent grievances

concerning outsize bowel movement
hoping (fat/slim shady chance)

Mike Rowe happened tubby about,

though shadow of a doubt,

he will avail himself

after anal eyes zing thee
early morning deux dumps
in quick succession for today

May 3^rd, 2026 (omg �" yours truly
went for a third time) when
during wee hours of morning,
whereby plying plunger in vain
as iterated above, cuz suction

barely helped obstruction give way,

I nearly lost me life and limb oy vey

oh my dog, the same asinine outcome

which spurred poet to get underway

matter of fact, a replay

of excretion almost
occurred earlier on a recent yesterday ago,

and thus an attempt to describe

a tragicomic scenario

regarding bowel movement
the size of subway tram,

an urgent em-bare a*s sing message
to maintenance person,
yours truly dreads - boot
locked into unpleasant task
if unable to unclog toilet
(***THIS JUST IN***
plumbing obstruction remedied!)
thus, I need not hurriedly relay
the scenario to Richard 10.5.20/20
(unsure if his surname
spelled with one or more T's),

nevertheless overflowing potty nearly

found yours truly quay

king without horse-sense,
yet impossible mission

arises to portray

with unsightly turgid prose
and cons of dire situation,

the juvenile elements of harried style

swiftly tailored, I hate to overplay

odoriferous subject matter

nsync with constipation

since laxative delineates,

expedites, facilitates,... née

posits heavy load emanating out rectum

quite amazing quantity
smelly fecal matter exits out me tushy

necessitating able linkedin line

O Captain! My Captain!

I signal emergency mayday

posterior end, a quarter size orifice,

which malfunctioning sphincter muscles

one moost never be lackaday sic cull

though kids and adults
laughed back in the day,

if and/or when Danny Kaye

tactfully poked fun including that girl
at such critical bodily phenomenon

equally important as a jackstay

to keep afloat body electric

accursed with rectum ammunition
auxiliary accouterments interplay

analogously precise as Swiss made timepiece

said system responsible
to expel bodily toxins

upon which sitting on porcelain throne

one can softly utter hooray

thankful to experience relative pleasure

until one becomes feeble minded,

whereat sixty seven plus shades of gray

matter allows, enables, and

provides enjoyably foray

into the bathroom, which entranceway

hoop fully not barred nor off limits

cuz that primitive
urge one best not delay

lest one requires lower

gastrointestinal intervention

especially if blocked up
excretory matter which turns to clay

unless of course one doth

cause damage and betray

respect toward well
oiled human machine

exercising and eating healthy

avoiding lumbar ring exertion
so as not to exacerbate straining backside
skeleton musculature issues,

yes... I reckon during twilight years

control over bowels doth slip away.

*The Essence Of A Corkerasp -
which aforementioned progeny scored big-time
when one of the top notch judges
assigned herself past time project,

which nothing envisioned
before her overactive imagination
sketched never before object contrived,
when early grade school child prodigy offspring
drew exquisite 3D blueprints
who at approximate date,
I sketched out the following words
when said star student
then just a junior kid
at University of Pennsylvania,
paid her way thru the halls
of the ivy league prestigious
institution of higher learning
courtesy billions of dollars
(to donuts) profits
she got paid for ingenious idea
a model of which demonstrated
the functionality of said brilliant
(in my modest opinion),
who fast forward to the present
years after young billionaire
will turn the big three 0h
on December twenty second),
but SHE would never admit
out of modesty
to birth such a clever idée fixe
(French for "fixed idea")

an obsession or a persistent,
dominant thought that occupies the mind,
preventing rational focus
on other matters
such as the rigorous
bio-medical engineering program

constituting her major

with a minor in French.

The essential name arose
from kindergarten elicited,
jump/kickstarted and predicated,
precocious person, and the words....?

Whenever constipation a pain in the a*s

just maneuver this lightweight
metal contrivance made of brass

no matter if anybody
considers this action crass

apply corkscrew motion

up the alimentary canal
to remove human waste,

which most likely
will be thick like petrified paste

stuck deep inside
bowels of sphincter muscles

and solidly encased

causing severe cramps
within lower gastrointestinal tract

inducing one to wince nonstop
from being fecal matter packed

and no amount of primal groaning
doth loose this hard fact,

nor does imagery of freed t**d

ease formidable anal plight,
no laughing matter
despite how absurd

squeezing does nothing
even applying all inner might,

thus necessary to incorporate

un-natural intervention to un-clog

rectal blockage + uncomfortable bloating

swelling anus the size of a hog

disabling bare derriere
ease to stand let alone jog,

yet tis essential
per extricating what feels

like one swallowed a log,

which could presage demise
of sufferer, whereby epitaph

twill induce freed evacuation
impossible mission for me to translate
eulogy in other than English spoken language,

where tongues wag across gamut of countries
explaining (translating with accompanied diagram)

every ounce of effort required to bend

over gingerly affixing
plunger end of device

to business of rear end

best accompanied in tandem
with close companion or friend

this dirty deed done
dirt-cheap trick will ideally rend

rock solid excrement to roll and crash

(on par traversing highway
to hell) soundcloud,
I finally and subsequently poop
without fail regularly out the tushy end

hopefully not landing �"
like a crash test dummy
upon bathroom floor

possibly inducing natural phenomenon
to trigger most powerful tsunami
seismic waves less or more,

whereby toilet bowl
water will nearly splash

over the sides akin
to white caps near sea shore

without doubt making
gluteus maximus extremely sore.