Tempus fugit, memento mori

bemoaning the life not lived, yet trying to relish each dawning day.

Latin phrase meaning
"Time flies, remember death"

any given moment could spell finis

meaning the end, conclusion,
or finish of something
most grievous when linkedin
to the remaining life unlived
victoriously snatched unexpectedly

particularly tragic when

loved one mourned just a babe or youth

versus loved one up in years

nevertheless permanent absence
whether death choice one makes

linkedin to mental health mailer daemons

as nearly happened with me

when jousting as a whipper-snapper
barely into double dutch digits

modus operandi anorexia nervosa

literally starving oneself to death

no matter famished twenty four/seven

though mother of mine intervened

applying not only unconditional love

of her sole male offspring,

but yours truly pained her

as well my father

though he seemed
more emotionally remote

nevertheless most every conversation

between them entailed

flood of tears

a microcosmic biblical
on par with Noachian Deluge
nearly swept away

courtesy self abnegation

at the tender age

when puberty offset

because I did not

want to grow up

but remain a boy

self contained within

his invisible bubble
found him immune

to lamentations of kith and kin

which lamentations deaf

to ear-splitting maelstrom

the relentless storm of the century

reigned within pained psyche

who believed himself

to be failure and persona non grata

when self measured against
successes of polymath father

the latter intelligently gifted
whose proud parents

my paternal grands
Aaron and Sadie Harris

gloated over the academic exploits

yet between the two of them

Strait of Hormuz a babbling brook

Bedford Stuyvesant storied halls

papa excelled and attended
City College of New York

then free and clear passage

to those endowed

with above average intelligence

where near vocational success a given

who spent scores of working years

employed courtesy General Electric

though he hopped, jumped and skipped

across stepping stones

when a realization dawned

that being a Mechanical Engineer

not true calling

but upon experiencing self actualization

a mortgage needed to be paid

and three young offspring

plus the mother of his progeny

relied on him as the breadwinner

which role predicated

upon being a star student

traits passed along

youngest sister of mine

as well as oldest daughter

begot between seeds of White Lily
planted within fertile crescent

of a gal I met and married

at Thursday night contra dancing

approximately a decade after

the grim reaper took a swipe

but fortunately missed

the human sacrifice

yet even at the instance
of writing these words

suicidal ideations flourish

amidst a derelict
psychological environment

hostile to healthy mental,
physical and spiritual maturation

the inescapable contract being mortal

when born exhaled first breath of life

and simultaneously inhaled

intimations of the grim reaper

stymied and smarted

but forever a dwell within

these lovely bones

whereat lower back aches with arthritis

and minor scoliosis

now impacting the quality

of mein kampf,

mourning the life never lived

and opportunities to test mettle

of mine forged within boyhood bedroom,

where reading served
passive capitulation to escape

impossible mission to cope

with absolute zero

faith no more

but abandoned exerting

dog given talents

as rattled off by the then
young mother of twenty four
doting on her so called "little monkey"

actually bananas a favorite fruit
yet even at instance
setting forth these words
being typed stream of consciousness

fulfilling body, mind and spirit

of a baby boomer

tumbling more often

with words that served
as whipping cords

courtesy father of yours truly

who felt pent up rage

against witnessing premature deterioration

me succumbing to self abandonment

resigning trying my darnedest
to maximize potential

forsaking fear of success undeserving

emasculating at every opportunity

passively aggressively surrendering

to pursue with figurative

blood, sweat and tears

possibilities that I aborted

all the while

envying my kid sibling

whose efforts at brains and brawn

find her the master of a prolific domain

yet fury towards that towheaded
happy go lucky boy
whose punishment to truck

along the highway to hell
vis a vis deprivation of self worth

condemning self as common criminal

without chance of parole

until awakening to joie de vivre

initially as mentioned

courtesy the Thursday night contra dance

and alternate friday nights
in Lambertville, New Jersey

the most fun one can experience

donned with wearing clothes

and yet social etiquette

decreed fair share of shameful

overtures to date this,
that or another attractive lass

who discerned an immaturity

within the body electric of a grown man
in retrospect trying
to make up for foregone chances
floundering like a fish out of water

condemning impulsive behavior

in an attempt to fulfill adolescent betrayal
at the expense of a wife
and two grown daughters

still scarred courtesy my
impetuous dirty deeds done dirt cheap!