Out of the Darkness

This is an expansion of To the Bottom; however, with a better ending.

Out of the Darkness

Why when I open my heart, spirit and mind am I relentlessly pursued?
A dark noxious vaporous hand comes from deep within me.
It follows the light that emanates brightly and hotly from my heart.
Dark fingers curl around my heart trying to snuff out the hope.
The snippets of a blackness trouble my turbulent mind and soul. 

A vision with eyes wide open, a daymare engulfs me.
To the bottom you must go, I hear and see.
The cold waters of Lady Seneca embrace me.
Cold steel in my hand feels distant and odd.
It is heavy in my grasp, must not get it wet I think.
I gaze out at all the dark rippling waters around me.
It is so dark, untouchable and unfathomable.
Above me, the heavens blaze in infinite distant beauty.
My index finger squeezes tight as I wonder how will it be.
A hammer click and a hot projectile rushes down the barrel.
Red flames flash as it slams relentlessly into bone.
It shatters the hard white matter and enters the gray.
Searing heat forces into the depths of my brain.
Synapses slow, start to die as the projectile exits.
Finally, all the voices have stopped.
The insane cacophony torments me no more.
I smile in one last twitch as peace surrounds me.
Sweet silence, golden darkness engulfs and all light fades.
All that was me now sinks to the muck at the bottom.
The anchor tied to my soul, and spirit drags me deep.
Her cold fingers caress me in the last moments that I can feel.
I am now in the deep, cold and dark never to be found again.

I stand trembling uncontrollably the water has taken it all away.
The vision fades as I realize I have moved too deep into the waves.
I will never succumb to the waters like Virginia Woolf I swear within.
Why do these damn visions plague me in the moments of my happiness?
Do I believe I am unworthy of that which pleases me?
That I deserve this, all that is good will never outweigh the bad?

How is it that I allowed my spirit to get so twisted and shunted?
In the dark and cold my body lay, night after lonely night.
Living in torment, I feared no one would want the whole me.
Life that is lost and alone is all I will only have.

To touch and have someone touch me in deep wanting and longing my wish.
Release from this darkness if only for a brief blissful moment is glorious.
I feel this with you as you touch me in ways I have never felt.
Slowly, I run my hands over your body, and it responds as I have hoped for.
How is it that in these times with you, we are the center of the universe?
A whole being, that consists of two parts becomes truly one.

To my dismay, I held parts back, afraid to show you my darkness.
Ashamed of my weakness's and turmoil I turned away from the light.
You reached out and would not let the darkness swallow me.
I want to embrace all of you, you tell me.
The dark fingers wrapped around me loosen a bit.
Now between those fingers I see fingers of light.
They are also wrapped tightly around me.
I smile, and I know those warm fingers are yours.
Reaching out with my hands our fingers entwine.
A new vision begins now.
I cannot see it to its conclusion. 
I now know even when the darkness is upon me,
You will be there alongside me, our fingers entwined.
That both of us will face the darkness together.

Reviews

[Vatsal Rohilla (account..]

As always, I enjoyed reading your poem. It is so full of words arranged wittily, crying out the feelings, the emotions and the thoughts of the poet. So beautiful. Keep writing.

[H.L. Cerveise]

Thank you for reading my writing. I am also glad you enjoy my poems.

[William Liston]

Wow. First of all, I loved your imagery in this poem. I love it when a poet describes an event in a way that makes it seem like a dream but at the same time, real. I also loved your vocabulary. Amazing poem. I'm glad you sent me the read request.

-William Liston

[H.L. Cerveise]

Thank you, this one came to me easily. In fact, I would say it was violently thrust upon my psyche. All the physical events happened, except the gun that is of course. The vision did happen while in lake Seneca just like described. It was such an intense flash. I had no choice but to write it.

[Luisa König]

Well written with a very deep meaning. Thank you

[H.L. Cerveise]

Thank you so much for your review.

[iamshadowine]

a really good job done here! keep writing!

[H.L. Cerveise]

Thank you. I could not stop writing even if a major amount of my psyches insisted upon it, insert big grin here.

[Diane]

Bitter but sweet. Very good read.

[H.L. Cerveise]

Thank you so much. I do try to finish a dark poem with a sweetness or a possible hope. I am not always successful at it.