Summer

I hunch my shoulders as I walk, head down, feet forward. That’s what they taught me. On the street you are inconspicuous, unseen, a mere shadow that must avoid all contact with light.
Music blares from my headphones, the same headphones I refused to take off, even after Dad’s lecture on ‘the importance of being aware of your surroundings’. Songs are a distraction, frowned upon in my world.
Over the past two months I’ve become rebellious; a flaw in my parent’s perfect façade. Once upon a time I would’ve done anything my family instructed of me, but now, I realise, it’s all fake.
A fake family with fake intentions.

So, I’m guessing at this present second you’re rather confused about my situation, probably wanting the truth. Well, it’s a pretty unbelievable story but I’m going to force you to listen; even if it means strapping you to the chair you’re sat in.

I am Naomi Watts, your average sixteen-year-old. I drink, party, study and avoid chores at all costs. But, there’s one itsy-bitsy detail about me not many people suspect. I kill people. Yep, you heard me right. I am capable of taking down a fully grown man with just one move. So can my Mom and Dad, friends and teachers.
I train at Blackmarks Academy for young Assassins, eight hours a day, five days a week. It’s my life; what I’ve been indoctrinated to do. I was enrolled in the school seven years ago by my parents who work as government intelligence agents, sector four, super top secret stuff. And of course, being an only child, I am to follow in the revered footsteps of my elders.

This summer, Henry and Philippa Watts made the fatal mistake of shipping me off to spend the holiday with my Uncle in Russia.
Parky, Dad’s brother, was the black sheep of the family. Not prestigious like his younger sibling nor strategic, following his father. My Uncle wasn’t smart or charming, nor did it look like he won the genetic lottery, nevertheless, he was the most reckless spy our generation had ever heard of. That was, of course, until he disappeared. It seemed Parky just packed up and left. So, coming home on the last day of school to find my parents handing me a bag full of clothes and a ticket to Moscow was quite a surprise.
It turned out Parky had sent Dad a letter asking to see me. At first, I didn’t understand. Why would anyone buy me a plane ticket to fly over Europe just to meet them?
But now I get it. I was the blank sheet of paper my Uncle needed to write on. He exposed the reality of my life: eat, sleep, train. Rules and regulations bearing down on me like a ton of bricks.
This got me thinking: Why not rebel? Why not become an insurgent?
That’s when I decided to join Parky’s… group. We confront the government and dispose of its waste. If you’re horrified by the thought, think of it like this: I’m not killing the good guys, just their bad intentions.

I stop in my tracks and look up. I’ve reached my destination. My intense grey eyes survey the building that looms before me; its Romanesque style architecture adding to its impressive size. I’d spent almost half my life learning here. New styles of combat, weapons, foreign tongues, strategies of attack. I’d even been ranked first in the class on a few occasions which was hard considering I was up against the elites.

It was my first day. And this year, I wasn’t little Omi who plastered a smile on her face every day. That girl died in Russia while her fists hit a punching bag for five hours until her knuckles bled. I am Naomi Ivanoa Watts.  The girl who will break this school; tear it down from the inside. My goal is to expose my peers, trainers and even my parents for the mockery they conform to, their government. I am a bulldozer and this is my wall.

So, when I enter through the front gates, no one will know what really happened over my summer break. None of my classmates would guess I was hiding bodies at the back of dumpsters, hanging out in grungy bars with my Uncle or spending half my time in the laundrette, praying ‘blood wont stain’.

Reviews

[BBP]

Really dig this story Hannah. You portrayed her voice perfectly, still a bit of teenager but a mature killer. It has a strong ground to build on. Very impressive.

The only thing I would consider is the name.... Naomi Watts being an actual well known actress might take people's vision away from your unique character...but that's just opinion and really can be overshadowed by your amazing story line. Great job! Looking forward to reading more

[Brennon]

This is amazing! Keep up the good work Hannah! Full rating!

[D.L. Thompson]

I think the best thing about this piece here is your voice. It is a very strong and clear voice that was well thought out. I can recognize it as the voice of the rebel. But not only that, you gave your character a greater depth than you normally get to see in these pieces. We hear about her past, when she was just trying to follow the rules and fit in. And then we hear how she decides to change, and even if it isn't said out loud, how she's scared of getting caught. She may be determined to bring the whole operation down, but she's still scared, praying that the blood wont stain. Great job on this one.

[matrixmark]

Your grammatical skills are really good. You have a good talent at putting commas, separating paragraphs at nice and even intervals. Also very good at telling a story from a first person point of view.

I liked the bit where you introduced her name and said it as it is (avoiding chores at all costs) it made me chuckle. But what was too follow was quite the shocker - She is a killer....it was like totally out of the blue - nice little shocker that one.

To read this story it was a real pleasure to see how well your work flows and how you captivate and grab the readers attention - that takes a lot of skill and is a real talent to have. I also like the way in which you have structured your story:- its very well thought out and holds together really well.

Loved the phrase - I am a bulldozer and this is my wall - excellent phrase.

Your vocabulary ranges is exquisite and you sould be proud of this piece of work. I really hope you continue this story - its an eye opener and well worth the read.

Kudos to you - excellent piece of work - you've done yourself proud.

Mark.