The Six of Tarot

Card six is "The Lovers"

Fire is the twinkle in my eye

Lust is the taste upon my tongue
Desire is my dress upon the floor
Heat is in the arch of my back
Passion is my hands twisted in the sheets
Hunger is the curling of my toes
Love is the color of my skin

Ardor is his breath upon my neck
Light is his width across my waist
Rapture is in the arch of his neck

Devotion is his hand sweeping my shoulder

Sweet is his form curled next to mine

Black is the color of my true love’s hair

 

Author's Note

The last line is from Nina Simone's amazing jazz song "Black is the color of my true love's hair" which inspired this piece.

Reviews

[Lyra H]

Brilliant write...

[Brette Medb]

I really liked this. The whole poem came together as a mixture of not only sensations and emotions but moments in time that can never be fully captured. Great work.

Brette

[Star-Runner]

Such a passionate write here, very well written like this you have talent.

[Damian Alan Gray]

Bah! With all due respect, I couldn't disagree more with Syndreamer's review of this piece. I didn't find anything cliche about it at all, and it seems to me that the appeal of the poem is IN the one-liner simplicity. Lines such as, "Devotion is his hand sweeping my shoulder" have everything to do with the emotional bearing of the piece. I say it's good work!

[Lee Tran]

When I read this piece, there was no flow and everything seemed to be harsh in terms of reading it out loud. It basically consists of one liners, some are cliched, and some are vague. It does get straight to the point and there's some things that can be incorporated to make it flow better and smoother. Add more feeling, describe a situation, get us in the mood and not use so many one liners.