Leonine

A Poem by Erin

You might not care for me that way, but God I can't stop myself from thinking of you being with me instead of her.

I wish I were a lion.
Fierce and Feline.
All claws and sinew and fire.
Because then I would be
invincible.
And you couldn’t hurt me,
Because I would devour you AND your soul.

I wish I were dangerous.
Because then,
When I felt all my anger and sadness and disgust
Rising in my throat and burning me up from the inside,
I could let out such a roar as to shake the very foundations of the world,
The vibrations of my anger making you quiver on the inside,
And I would be left clean and empty and free of spite.
Instead,
I swallow my bitter gall and leave my tarnished soul aflame and unquenched,
Burning on until I have to run and vomit from the anxiety and pain.

I wish I were a predator.
My sensuous danger keeping you enthralled,
Slightly afraid to wander from my bed.
Tawny and Lithe,

I would feel the adrenaline of the hunt.
And I would always get my man.
And I would always destroy the competition.
And I would never be afraid of being hurt again.

Because I would be the most beautiful of them all.

I wish I were different,
That I could choose what I was;
That I had the ability of being someone else completely.

Because then I wouldn’t have to be me.
And I wouldn’t have to deal with being so afraid

And I wouldn’t have to deal with being so scarred and fucked up inside.
And I wouldn’t have to deal with you leaving me when I still want you just as absolutely as ever.

© 2008 Erin

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Angel Baby

I wish I were different,
That I could choose what I was;
That I had the ability of being someone else completely.

Because then I wouldn't have to be me.
And I wouldn't have to deal with being so afraid

And I wouldn't have to deal with being so scarred and fucked up inside.
And I wouldn't have to deal with you leaving me when I still want you just as absolutely as ever.

Very sad words written here. I pray your heart heals soon, and you again love yourself for who you are.
Be strong. I know you have it in you. P.W.