Broken into pieces

I should have seen this coming
You should have worn a sign
And I should have stop myself
From falling deeply in love

I should have not looked at
Your perfect face, your mesmerizing eyes
And I should have not fall for
Your pretty smile that made me gone
wild

I should have not allowed
Your lips to touch mine
And I should have not
Let our body feel the fire and become one

Because, if only I knew
Then I would not be as crazy as this
Then I would not  be bleeding like this
And then, my heart would have never
be broken into pieces

Reviews

[Obbligato]

This is a poem of regret. A poem that reflects on the process and the growth of a relationship after it has ended but not in a way in which, from what I can tell was pleasant. This piece hints to me that the relationship No.1 did not end on the terms of the subject No.2 Ended relatively badly with the subject being the party receiving the most pain. What’s interesting is that the poem has been written from the period when the relationship is over and there are regrets, and those regrets are being expressed in such a way it could be mistaken that this poem is about a person who is currently in a relationship. The real meaning has been anchored by the phrase ‘I should have not’. It’s clear from this that the subject still feels affection for the partner or ex-partner who has left them in such a state. These sections are almost oxymoron’s and illustrate the state of confusion the subject is in. Almost saying through the poem ‘I still love them, but they’ve hurt me, my heart is broken, but I still love them………So what do I do?’ The subject is in a state of turmoil and cannot quantify which is larger, the love they have for the person they love or the pain of the action that they have done to bring them to such a point. I would have liked this poem to go deeper and used a various ways to illustrate these things. I feel that although the poem shows the confusion within the subject, I don’t feel it as a reader. You would do a good job to find a way to get this poem to get that feeling across via the use of greater extremes. This is a good concept and piece is a good literal read.

[cassandra violet]

A couple of grammar errors I noticed that were a bit distracting:
-"And I should have stop myself" should be "And I should have stopped myself"
-hmm.. this ones a bit tricky and a bit more subjective but I feel like "I should have not looked at" would sound better as "I should not have looked at"
-"And I should have not fall for" should be "And I should have not fallen for" but once again I think that in this case the verb tense may be subjective...
"Made me gone wild" sounds a bit awkward...
-lastly, "And then, my heart would nave never be broken into pieces" should be "and then, my heart would have never been broken into pieces"

Though I do like the overall emotions depicted in this piece and I feel it has a lot of potential, I'm going to have to agree with smalltownsympathies, there are some areas where you could really extend the imagery to really express your emotions more strongly. But if you fix these small things then I think you could have a really lovely poem here :)
I hope this review helped! Keep writing!!!

[CompellingComposer]

This is brilliant. Fantastic. Love it:)

[SpokenWord]

The characters hindsight reveals the true path she should have taken, but we know in life hindsight comes to late with little to offer but insight. It seems most relationships ends in heart break, now a days I focus on the good, what felt good, what made me attracted to them, what drove me insane with love about them and I am thankful for experiencing it regardless of the heart ache. Love is too beautiful to mourn. Wonderful write.

[smalltownsympathies]

The idea is adorable, but I feel as though this poem was a tad bit simplistic in its usage. I tend to say them aloud to myself to see if they'd be good for spoken word, and this could be done aloud, as long as grammar edits and mistakes are fixed. Keep working. Well done :)