a description of a fictional character

a description of someone - please read and review!

tell me if you get a vivid picture in your mind.

this is a completely fictional character.

I have sea-green almond shaped eyes. my plain brown hair reaches down to the center of my back, though I usually wear it in a sloppy bun. my face is slightly round, though i am not chubby, or fat. i have a small nose, the perfect size for my face. freckles scatter across the bridge of my nose, and some make their way on my cheeks. 

a slightly small mouth is places right underneath my nose. I am quite short for my age, around 4.2. My maturity is like a five year old, though I am 11. first glance at me is that i am the biggest tomboy you will ever see. in you life. period. 

Author's Note

please tell me if this is descriptive enough.

Reviews

[The Twin Arenas]

Regina wrote a good review. I second what she said. More detail. What I like best about your writing is the enthusiasm you have for it. I can feel it. It's great. I did sort of see this person, as you wrote it. The way you write kind of made up for sparseness. It's like a smear, or a skid from a bike. It's just like, there and good. I second what Regina said.

[Regina K. Pride]

I like where you started here, definitely. I can almost picture this character. There are some things I'd like to know more about however. Here are some questions/ suggestions:

what does her hair feel like if you touched it? are her eyes dull or penetrating? maybe more detail of the texture of the face? is it smooth? oily? rough? clean? What shape is her nose? button? cone? what about her cheeks? do they stand out against her face? are they pink? red? puffy? sharp?

what's the shape of the mouth? You could compare it to some other object. what does a tomboy mean to you? maybe you could say she has band-aids on her elbows and knees or even on one of her cheeks?

Those are just some ideas I got when I read your description. I would really like to know more about the story you plan on putting her in. Good job! :)

[Botania]

"...small mouth is ...placed? Somewhat vivid physical description. Claim of tomboy unsubstantiated. Perhaps describe as wearing torn, dirty jeans playing football or ... you get the idea. And develop the inside which screams to be heard. Nice description though.

[Shapirta]

thanks,botania

[Deepwater]

imaginations of the young with life to live

[Rich13White]

I can definitely picture this description...my imagination goes on to even wonder whats next? Very good!!

[Shapirta]

thanks, rich! =)

[Ashira Macy]

I do get a sense of what this person looks like for sure. If you were to add it to a story I would suggest putting in some similes into the mix. Well done my friend!

[Shapirta]

thanks again, ashira!