how to feel

And I'm getting bad again.

There was once a time when I thought everything would go away,

all these feelings I have.

I'm content, though. 

I'm content with the way I feel now, it's no longer new to me.

Maybe I'll always feel like this, maybe I won't.

But I'm coming to terms with the reality of my feelings,

taking it step by step.

In all truthfulness I don't think I can be 'saved',

not by anyone or anything. 

Everyone has bad days, it just so happens that I have too many in my opinion. 

But that's okay, because at least now I know and I'm prepared. 

I don't think anyone will ever notice, or ever believe how I feel.

I like it that way. 

I like it that way because then maybe someday someone will notice, 

and when they do I'll know they care; rather than just another who pretended to. 

I don't want to draw any attention to myself,

people don't need to hear about how I feel. 

I don't need a reason to feel this way, 

I shouldn't have to rationalise myself.

By wearing a mask, I don't have to. 

I need to hear about how other people feel,

I need to help others in order to feel a purpose.

I, by no means, am the 'perfect' individual, 

no one can be.

But I pride myself on my need to help, 

and without my feelings I wouldn't have this need. 

Author's Note

Just venting - not about anyone in particular.

Reviews

[jb]

Very good poetry mixed with expression!

[Immi]

Thank you, Jessica! I'm glad you liked it.

[jb]

Your sooo welcome :)...

[Alex]

I know feelings can feel like they control us; and they do-- but they don't define us. I'm glad they give you a purpose, a strength and a will. I like how this piece progresses, like you are thinking whilst writing; 'maybe I'll always feel like this, maybe I won't'. This is like an internal battle, maybe one that you have grown accustom too. Mask or no mask, you're just doing your thing- do what feels right, just go with it. F**k perfect- its boring!

[Immi]

Thank you for your kind words, Alex. I appreciate you taking the time to review this!