When the Leaves Fall

 

When the Leaves Fall,

autum,

a reminder,

of our mortality,

of the end,

 

when the days,

harsh and cold,

yet still,

a subtle warmth,

 

a relief,

from anger,

from hate,

from frustration,

 

and a sad depart,

from love,

from happiness,

from friendship,

 

but soon,

it will be here again,

with Spring,

another life,

 

a new beginning,

will be brought,

by patience,

and time.

Author's Note

im new to poetry so constuctive critiscism would help.

Reviews

[C.T. Bailey]

For an early the effort...this is quite nice. It reads just a bit choppy....but that kind of adds to the character of the poem. If you are new to writing and especially publishing online, the one piece of advice I could give you (if you really want quality writers to read you) would be to pay careful attention to your spelling. I know...hard to believe, but for someone who has written poetry or stories for 20, 30, or 40 years, it is a complete turn off. It will greatly influence how they view your writing....whether they note it or not in your review.

Back to the poem...For my personal tastes (which in the grand scheme of things matters very little) I prefer a little tighter flow of the words. I will give you an example from your work. In the second stanza you write:
when the days,

harsh and cold,

yet still,

a subtle warmth,

I might re-write that as:

when these days

grow harsh and cold,

yet in stillness are they

subtle with warmth,

That may not suit you and that's ok to...that's why our work is freedom of expression. Still a very good write. If I can help you in any way....just let me know!
Todd