Memories of you

Fiction

As I work through
These memories of you
I find you are cold,
Not easy to hold.
I look to the past,
see only friendships last.
I turn the page,
see how I've aged.
I no longer care.
I remember the way you used to stare,
the taste of your lips,
The warnth of your hips.
I think back to those first few dates,
with fresh eyes I see our mistakes.
Foolish tears
appear
as I work through
These memories of you.

Reviews

[Baby Ricochet]

A fictional tale that happens to all of us, that way we can relate. Good one Inda

[Inda]

Thanks Ricochet.

[AprilRN1210]

Fiction, huh?..... yea... didn't feel the normal emotional impact as I normally do with your writes.. this one felt cold.. maybe you were right saying you "don't care".. lol

yea... this one falls short a little, I am afraid.. if I am being honest.. not sure what or how it is missing.. just know, that for me, it is... it is pleasant enough... just lacks that emotional connection for me..

[Inda]

Kind of stopped short, in the sense that I felt like i could continue, but feared veering off track. I thank you for your honesty! :)

[AprilRN1210]

oh, gotcha.. you're welcome.. ok.. lemme say this.. if you changed these two lines.. made it more emotional, honest.. descriptive.. it would make a big..difference...

("see how I've aged.".... tell me something moving, something profound, something touching that you "see"..... or this line.. "remember the way you used to stare.".... tell me something more meaningful that you remember.... what do you remember about her that makes the "tear fall"... come on.. the way a girl stares doesn't do that...)

I honestly think if you changed those two things.. your emotional connection would come back with a bang sir... again.. just my opinion.. but trying to help.. :)