Second

poem by my friend Keva and me.

Walls are strangling me,

sky has fallen,

doors are open.

It has a meaning, those words

As they were spoken

Were, simultaneously, written

In blood.

Chalice is empty

poison is spilled

on the floor.

It was a picture that spoke for itself.

Reviews

[Shaquana Adams]

I like the way you write. Crisp imagery. I think one more choppy stanza will make it perfect ^-^

[isus]

well maybe, but i would never know what to add there because for me that is over, i see it ended.

[forevermore1218]

i think it would be better if it wasn't so choppy but I still thought it was very cool. I particularly liked the "chalice is empty" part it touched me. Very well done :)

[isus]

thanx on reading :)

[melissa]

Amazing poem keep up the great work and keep sending me more to read

[isus]

thanx, glad you like it

[melissa]

Your welcome

[Alexis]

wow! that was a great choice of words

[isus]

thanx thanx :=

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

I found the words to pack a punch. I also like your choice of some words such as chalice. All in all, nice poem

[isus]

thanx :)

[JSmith0612]

I really cannot provide much help in terms of poetry. It was never really my strongest suit in school. But I will say this. The language is powerful. This might be better expanded into a particular form, unless you were aiming for free-style which then it works. For some reason I can hear this in an expanded form in something like iambic pentameter or something. Good work though.

[isus]

i don't know if it's a free-stile but also i wouldn't shread it to some particular form.

[Kasey Miriam]

Very intriguing. I like this. Thank you for sharing

[isus]

no, thank you :)

[Emily]

I like how you put the words! Well done.

[isus]

glad you like it :)

[Brook]

I love the language used in this, it's very powerful in my opinion. Good job Isus, i like it.

[isus]

thanx Brook :)