I can't let go

This is about a best friend, I grew up with before he moved in the 7th grade. I literally considered him my brother, he was always there for me. And now, I can't be there for him :( I miss him so much, and I never go to tell him I love him.

4 years ago we said our goodbyes
and I couldn't stop you despite my aching cries
I was letting my heart go and it hadn't sunk in
Now I know I'll never see you again
and that part of me ill never get back;
its hurts so much to see how you've been
You're all cracked out
what did you do to yourself?
what has the world done to you?
I just look at you and I feel so blue
I know your dads not around
and I can't say I've stood in those shoes
You gave it all but still had everything to lose
I see your face, and I break down in tears,
I wanna message you, just to tell you I love you
But I feel so awkward,
its been too many years.
I can't let you go.