Haikus For a Sad Boy

Consider the moon When your head is in your hands Consider its glow

The grass seemed wetter

When you walked away from me

And didn't look back

Your silence still shocks

I should know better by now

No decency, none

Your voice stings my ears

You would never burden me

If it cracked or choked

They say blood is blue

Before it hits oxygen

False, but not for you

Reviews

[Joshua Carl Cruz]

These aren't really haikus by definition. Yes they hold the 5 7 5 pattern but the structure for a haiku isn't there. Mattavelli has a poetry write up challenge and could really help your poems become haiku.
No offense but if these were lighthearted they would make perfect senryu.

[butt muncher]

By structure do you mean content? I know that haikus tend to be about nature, but every source I've looked at says "most haikus are about nature", "haikus usually have nature elements" "typically, often" etc. Not necessarily that they are required to be. If that's not what you're talking about, can you specify what you mean by structure?

[Joshua Carl Cruz]

the form is seventeen syllables long, or less if youre japonese the character to syllable translation can be lost but no more than seventeen, first line is setting...second and third pertaining to subject and action. There are pivotal haikus where the middle phrase works as a door connecting all three but in a revolving way. Yes, nature is an element but true haiku is written to encapsulate a moment in time. It is never about the past and rarely about the future. It is about distilling the universe in the moment. There is a seperation of ideas between lines one and two, three. This is very important.

[JustinCorrigible]

I dig it, especially the very last haiku, nice punch to that ending line. The only line I didn't quite understand was "Your voice strings my ears", not sure if that was a typo or if you used a definition of string that I can't think of right now. Otherwise you did a great job of four haikus that stand perfectly strong on their own, but also work well together. Thanks for the good read!

[butt muncher]

I meant to write string, thank you for pointing that out :)

[butt muncher]

****sting. d****t.

[JustinCorrigible]

Haha, autocorrect can be a craft bench that way. No wait, I mean crafty *****...