3 EXPLOSIONS

my life on and off a favorite horse

3 EXPLOSIONS

it is morning ,
and
my head hurts...
when i was young,
18 in years but ancient in spirit,
i thought,
we all do i guess,
that i knew everything ,
that i could ride
the big liver chestnut mare
so aptly named tornado,
because of how she bucked, swapping ends
still able to change direction
at the top, the very peak of her spin...
but, i was a master of horse,
i could handle this half tamed mount,
i didn’t even need a saddle
i could do it with a bareback saddle pad,
no problem i am epona,
goddess of the horse,
with all the fluidity of my foolish youth
i mount and we sail as one,
across the meadow
knee deep in tiny buttercups,
sunburst explosions of yellow...

and,
speaking of explosions,
we are in california
in the wild meadow home
of the california quail,
so delicately sweet brown to grey
with their little black feather topknots bopping,
exquisite,
so beautiful...
3 explosions,
a chain reaction...
1, the quail we startled form their cover...
2, tornado shocked by feather fury, bounding up,swapping ends, sunfishing...
3, the pad between the mare and me bursting...
and,
i am rolling off, trying to avoid
hooves and wings and earth
but, hung up in the rigging,
trapped, i land on my head...
blackness...
thank the powers that be,
tornado froze instead of dragging me...
i am 6 weeks in intensive care,
i’ve cracked my skull...
the doctors shine bright lights into my eyes
checking the damage i have done
but i will live...

and
15 years later, the headache arrives...
shafts of pain so fierce
i see everything in 3s outlined in red...
doctors with the lights again glowing into my eyes,
i have a hairline fracture in my skull
that never healed
from those explosions so many years ago
there is some sort of bone growth
a kind of bone scab now pressing on my brain,
causing pain that escalates through the day...
we can go in, they say, and chip the bone away
but because of hemophilia (von willibrands disease actually )
i am a bad surgical risk,
and my brains are scrambled enough naturally,
so no surgery, just a prescription,
hydrocodone, for when the pain is really bad...

and,
this morning sunlight slashing through
in fire flashing rainbows,
and i wake up with
headache 1 bazillion and 3...
2 excedrins and 1 hydrocodone,
3 white caplets
quickly swallowed
with chocolate heavy coffee laced with amaretto,
providing the bravado
with which i will face this new exploding day...