Pain

I yearn for things I can not do,

This world has left be black and blue

 

I try to walk through the pain,

It’s like walking on glass again and again

 

No relief--No more fun

Can I walk on glass to reach the gun?

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Another good piece...I'm really enjoying your work! This one has a nice rhythm and flow to it, and I like the imagery. May I suggest this format:

I yearn for things I can not do,
This world has left me black and blue

I try to walk through the pain,
it's like walking on glass again and again

No relief--no more fun,
can I walk on glass to reach the gun?

Just a little tweaking of the mechanics give it a nicer look, feel and flow. These, of course, are just my opinions, not by any means "right". Go with your gut, but in my eyes as a reader, the breaking up and change in punctuation help.

[Jayden Ireton]

I thank you so much. I feel like you get what I am trying to achieve in my writings. I started out with putting no periods at the end of my works and then some judge person said I should and I changed it, but I did not like it. I didnt like the hard breaks either. I agree with your opinions. Thank you so much for taking the time.

[Courtney Johnson]

I feel like I can connect with this to a degree - the pain, the repetition, the yearning. But is it ever really worth it?

This poem expresses those feelings clearly, although the part of the glass may seem unclear. Would you be meaning broken glass - as if one is treading carefully to avoid being cut? Or simply treading carefully, trying not to break it?

I really like this poem. Good job!

[Jayden Ireton]

I meant walking on glass that is broken and painful. Thank you I will clarify more in future work. Thank you so much for the review.