jeff's foot

Carried by your wrath
you cared in the angry
bone-crunching perspectives
you pressed upon me,
leaving the taste of metal and salt
from the blood in my mouth.

Looks were either liked or disliked
by your wary animal
arrogantly frowning.

There for the breaking
you beat my wild cleverness
into a secret fragile dream.

You were never
consoling and laughed as
you won me over and over again.

You called me one day
aching for a connection,
your sad story about an infection
in the foot you kicked me with;
losing it to diabetes.

Somehow that mattered
in a cliche that rolled around inside my head:
'you've one foot in the grave.'

Animals whimper and die,
Dreams rise up again, forged forgiven.

Reviews

[Fra/c/ture]

this has a very strong reminiscent feeling to it, that of family bitterness. it realyl worked here and i didnt need to really know everything to put it together which was nice because the piece wasnt so overt that it clobbered me over the head. i think possibly some more imagery and attention to the foot throughout the poem could be useful. theres a world of symbolism and metaphor there.

overall this was a nice write and there werent any wasted words. usually i suggest cutting poems short but in this case i dont see any wasteful words.

[TL Boehm]

wow. A different style for you altogether, at least different than the usual peaceful, affirmative tone - this one is vivid - visceral - almost venomous - leaves the reader with an ache. A compelling write.