Families

Surely your turning 

of things upside down

is not but the potter’s clay. 

You’ve done it with every 

damn thing in this world

from the start till the present day. 

 

I guess it’s impressive, 

that which you’ve done -

blinding the world with your sham.

Making it look like you care for us all,

but the truth is you don’t give a damn. 

 

Like the snakes that you are, 

you creep in the night,

slithering into seats for to stay.

Then the families who actually 

care for the folks,

you label and put them away. 

 

But shall the thing framed 

say of he who has framed it,

“he doesn’t have understanding”?

Your disrespect wreaks 

through your pathetic smile,

but time is an interesting thing.

 

For there’s only so much of it 

left till your through!

Then the King will come back for what’s his.

Then those families will be 

right there back in the streets

handling all of his biz…

 

Isaiah 29: 15-16

Reviews

[JayG]

Your writing is fine, but the differences between poetry for the page and song lyrics get in the way. As my daughter said, when I asked her why so many of her songs were what’s often called a Dismal Damsel poem, when they appear on the page, she said, “Why? Because angst sells, Dad.

And she’s right,…when it’s a song. But in this, as the reader views it, someone unknown is talking to someone not introduced, taking them to task for unspecified actions. Meaningful to those two, but because it’s written TO that person. It reads as if you sent a letter to someone and it was accidentally delivered to the reader, instead.

In general, on the page, the goal is to make the reader feel and care. We don’t say, “I cried at the funeral,” for example. Instead, we give the reader a reason to weep,

Another problem with lyrics is that often, the meaning isn’t as important as the impact of the performance, Certainly, the line from America's Tin Man, “Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man, that he didn’t, didn’t already have.” makes sense, though it does state the obvious. But the next line goes off the rails with, “And cause never was the reason for the evening Or the tropic of Sir Galahad.

Yet because of the rhythm and melody, it works and became a hit…” As a song.

On the page, though, missing the music, vocal performance, and harmony…

[Buddhistboy73]

A heartfelt poem about families here....
You can sense the feeling of anger and injustice in the words....

I liked the opening lines:

Surely your turning
of things upside down
is not but the potter’s clay.
You’ve done it with every
damn thing in this world

Thanks for sharing this one...

BB73
from the start till the present day.