Love Lost in Time ♥

This is a sort of "Cascade 9" poem, where each line has one more syllable than the last. Created originally as a contest entry.

Love

Is lost

Lost in time

 

When I'm with you

My heart seems to melt

 

Fury breaks out in me

Only to be wiped away

By that single smile; that one look

The look that says it all: I love you

 

♥

Author's Note

This is my result of trying a new style of poem!
I'd love for you to tell me what you think! :)

youtube.com/kneecaplollipop
myspace.com/jenmarks

♥Jen Marks

Reviews

[SariahM]

I looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove it! good job with your new style!

[Katherine]

I quite like the style you used! It's original and it keeps interest. You've captured the emotion well, but getting even more in depth with your description will really paint a picture in your readers' minds.

[Patches I'm not so new..]

This is very good IMHO I love the way you don't beat around the bush here but come right out and say what you want to say and you say it clearly! Kudos

[Chamil3001]

very nice..
in the beginning you describes your sadness.
then in the middle you describes your feelings.
in the end you manage to finish the poem with great two lines..

very nice..

[Bud]

Wonderfully penned! I thoroughly enjoyed, and appreciate this piece of poetic excellence! Keep up the Outstanding works of art!

[Ravenskald]

Interesting the way you've used it ...
Some have used this to convey movement
each line getting faster and faster
your poem reads like a monologue
where the speaker is gradually opening up
adding more to say in each line
A very interesting entry

R

[Chris T.]

It's an interesting style. Very cool. I'm going to be a little nit-picky, try to get you to think about word choice in one line:
"Love is lost in time"

Now, you have very few syllables to work with in this line, so each word has to have the maximum impact. The word I am thinking about is "in". Why did you choose "in"? What were you trying to convey with this line? Is "in", "with", "to", or some other word the most appropriate fit for what you are trying to say?
(I'm a fan of asking questions instead of making suggestions. If you are happy with "in", by all means stick with it!)

[Aekmy]

I really like this. I can relate to it. Great job. (: