as fluid as breath.

our souls are entwined
 as fingers
 playing the children's game
 here is the church - here the steeple...

 such simple words
 belying the deepest knowledge
 the sanctity
 of where our true selves lie

ticktock metronomes
 count down the miles between us
 in flickering hummingbird heartbeats
 yet the distance melts away 

 with your every exhalation 

 
 becoming my next breath

Reviews

[bluessadmood]

God how i love those words,so much life and soul like they would talk
I had to feel my way through as i read,i close my eyes and feel them
Souls entwined as fingers..simple words belie deepest knowledge
i count the miles between us,but they melt away,with every breath you take
How I love your style,the way you play on words..just so perfect
lovely write..

[JC]

you gotta be kidding me! youre amazing!

such simple words
belying the deepest knowledge
the sanctity
of where our true selves lie

that is you! that is what you convey! turn these words in a mirror and your own face will appear...i loved this.

[Sweet_pale_cacophony]

ticktock metronomes
count down the miles between us
in flickering hummingbird heartbeats
yet the distance melts away ...
I loved that phrase..the way you write,it is a gift..

[blob blob]

"ticktock metronomes
count down the miles between us
in flickering hummingbird heartbeats
yet the distance melts away"
...very creative and existential-
...this make you think...
...and these last lines...
"with your every exhalation
becoming my next breath"
...a questing of one's being i think-
where the next breath-
of life/love will come from...
a very emotive poem...
...i really love this...:-)

J:)

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

I really like this poem. It is a clear depiction of pure love.
It's so innocent. These are the feelings we forget along the
way to adulthood. Beautifully written.

[R J Askew]

Ach, the last two lines are wonderful. The whole poem feels like the prelude to a kiss. I like the title very much fluidity often suggests emotions I believe a shifting of feelings. It also seems to give the breath a visible substance, or at least suggests it. How am I doing? :)))