when you say.

when you say don't touch me
 even with a smile
 a joking lilt
 and you think you are
 letting me down easy
 what i hear

is

cordoned off boundaries
 and spiky flesh-ripping
 barbed wire

 

lonely nights filled with
 aching gaps in the bed
 guarded by fierce dogs and
 sharp-eyed snipers
 hidden in the trees

Reviews

[Eagle Cruagh]

Very interesting .

In a short poem the fluctuation of intricate
vocabulary synthesized with Sensuous
inuendo and the violence of ripping with
barbed wire and faced by snipers is exciting.

Lonely nights filled with aching gaps in the
bed create a wonder that perhaps this poem
may have been created in response to the
treachery of a loved one.

Beautifully constructed.

My rating ------ 100 %

----- Eagle Cruagh

[Periac]

lovely in probably all the wrong reasons......applause or console......regardless the last few verses are amazing indeed....definatly adding to my favorites

[Jonathan Ballam]

Great short poem, loved the subtle rhythm woven into this. Best image for me would be "aching gaps in the bed", and you mastered the ending well!

Would you mind if I put this on my blog? (I would quote you of course...)

Keep writing ;)

[R.D.Scott]

Love this, very raw and very real. although, in my opinion, it loses some of itself due to the way its laid out.

[Michael X]

Jennie, this to me reflects pure poetry and the metaphorical views are original, I love the full color
images that show what the author feels. speaking in details that create an environment.
I felt your words come to life and show what it means to be and to feel rejection under by means
of an abandoned moment in time. and you make time stand still with your poetry

[Wildfleour]

A terrific write, Jennie. So real, so true, so gripping.

[R J Askew]

This feels like one one big lungful of words. Yet the travel from 'joking lilt' to 'spikey/fiece/sharp-eyed/hidden' is tremendous. And the cunning trickery of 'filled with aching gaps' is pleasingly sly, artful. I love it.

[deeps]

Wow! What a write
This is wonderful
Well described images.
Well done