rhyme scheme.

i'll drop my undoing
cheerfully carrying
the remote distances
within a backpack
already far removed from new

i'll exaggerate the gaps
tracing their outlines thickly, 
so the
narrow
minded people 
can't squeeze through

i'll drink the dream

dram by dram
and swallow the world, whole,
with eyes slightly fractured
by this now-without-you 

Reviews

[Crowley]

Ha...I made it through any way....its cuz my a*s is so narrow...cant even hold up my pants. What a tribute to the strength of self in context to the way life can spend out resources willy nilly with little coming in the way of a return. Great thing is life is like the tortoise, slowly gathering momentum and greatness ready for the next explosion of self and life....it comes...oh yes, it comes.

[OT]

nice!! I like the idea - rhyme schemes representing conformity - you're pushed - but here you revolt - I'll exaggerate the gaps - draw out the sentences (narrow on its own) so those damned people can't fit into the mould!! clever!!! very poetic!!

[Robin]

surreal in the moment , love the leaps across dimension ..

[Moflo]

Love your middle stanza! I love the format of the whole poem, but the idea of "Narrow" being on a line of its own really struck a chord for me. you have very nice wordplay too that really shows your talent! Great write.