dark rose!

just a dark poem i wrote !

 

 

 

 

     first version 

 

 

     There's twelve red rose's that stands together,

Their holding on strong,

From the weather that has pasted us by,

Left by his sorrow,

He will always love her,

In the darkest hour,

Love has passed us by,

The light was to never shine again,

All hope was lost,

Our sorrows are weeping,

As the rose's turn dark,

We lay hopelessly in love,

Living day by day,

We lay hopelessly in fear and darkness,

As the rose's turn so black,

You can't see their beauty no more,

No hope,

All is gone,

In our darkest hour,

The dark rose,

Has stuck again.

Blood shed everywhere,

No one is safe anymore,

Love will never be the same

   second version 

   dark rose, 

there's twelve red rose's that stands together, 

their holding on strong, 

from the weather that has passed us by, 

left by his sorrows, 

he will always love her, 

in the darkest hour, 

love has passed us by, 

the light was to never shine again, 

all hope was lost, 

our sorrows are weeping, 

as the rose's turn dark, 

we lay hopelessly in love, 

living day by day, 

we lay hopelessly in fear and darkness, 

as the rose's turn so black, 

you cant see their beauty no more, 

no hope, 

all is gone, 

in our darkest hour, 

the dark rose, 

has struck again, 

blood shed everywhere, 

nobody's safe anymore, 

love will never be the same

Author's Note

well just a dark poem i wrote please tell me what you think

do you like the first version or the second version better

Reviews

[Coffee Vampier]

True bloods love paints with roses. If you slow down your writing you can see more into what you are trying to represent- it seemed a little rushed.

[Starcaller]

Very lovely Jen, keep up the nice work.

[Coyote Poetry]

I liked the poem.
"Blood shed everywhere,
No one is safe anymore,
Love will never be the same. "
I liked how you used the dark rose. You left the reader with visions and thoughts. Thank you Jens for sharing your outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[Confuser]

Well, I simply loved this and am becoming more surprised by your prose. I cannot write "love poetry," the clique, which is I suppose a clique, so in this, I am loving it. The dark side, without saying it Loved it. Thanks.

[Prabha Salimath]

Rose meant to love dark rose meant somewhat different likde upcoming sorrow or disaster nice poem keep on writing.

[LadyNaida]

Roses represent love and they can also represent sorrow depending on the situation.

[stars are far]

That was one great poem, keep that good work coming

[Inda]

i think it's fantastic, i especially like the last line, "love will never be the same." such emotion and can mean so many things, if it's first love or maybe a betrayal of the romantic sorts, either way this is fantastic! only thing i saw was perhaps a misspelled word, did you mean"struck again."?

[Emily]

I love how you started it!
Keep t up!

[Jamie]

Very impressive and very well written 100/100!