a dark moment in time

Just a dark poem I wrote

 

  first version 

As I sit here with my long black hair,

In tears of blood, 

My eyes so furious,

There's a black castle full of darkness behind me, 

My soul is lost,

Spiders and Mice creep around me,

Oh the horror,

I have nowhere to go,

Nowhere to stand, 

Nowhere to hide,

My world is so dark and cruel,

I feel so cold, 

I'm so helpless, 

There's no love for me anymore,

Help me,

Help me,

Oh dear god,

Nowhere to turn,

I'm left in the dark,

Left for dead,

Left here alone to die. 

  second version 

   a dark moment in time 

 as i sit here waiting with my long black hair, 

tears of blood fall, 

my eyes so furious, 

there's a black castle full of darkness behind me, 

my soul is lost, 

spiders and mice creeping around me, 

oh the horror, 

i have nowhere to turn, 

nowhere to go, 

nowhere to stand, 

no hiding place, 

my world is so dark and cruel, 

i feel so cold, 

i'm so helpless, 

there's no love for me anymore, 

help me, 

help me please, 

oh dear God,  

nowhere to turn, 

i'm left alone in the dark, 

left for dead, 

left here alone to die

Author's Note

Well let me know what you think
let me know if you like the first version better or the second version

Reviews

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

I could see something mystical and mythical about this poem. Definitely unique.

[jex]

Interesting soul exploration. Very dark. It gives off the feeling of being crushed.

It's hopelessness written in a beautiful way. Great work!

[Jamestry]

Very dark indeed! I like the way you captured the very darkest of moments!

[Otsana]

It is a very dark write and I think the repeating of the key words "left" and "help" really bring through the feeling of helplessness and loneliness...keep writing!

[LadyNaida]

Sometimes in life we go through situations that might make us feel like we have been left along in the dark with nothing but the silence and ugliness of a broken heart.

[Kamari's]

Very mccob I love it a tear of blood just so wow

[I Am Svetlana]

I also like the image of the dark castle! Reading this, I imagined a princess standing out on a balcony, searching for stars beyond the clouds. Her prince is gone and she has nothing left. To imagine such loneliness...such longing. I admire the depth of emotion you put into this.

[AJ Kristiansen]

Hard place to be in... there is always a way out but sometimes we can feel there is no-one and nothing that makes sense anymore, no-one who loves us... you've expressed it well... I like the image of the dark castle behind you... looming, ominous.. well done!

[Avinash]

You are loved by god and that's why you are here. Feel that love and then you would see the light at the end of the tunnel.

[anne]

sometimes we are in these time but faith help to recover all those..a very good write:))