The young ones

kinda shitey one :(

Hold my Hands
so I can feel again.
We’ll beat them yes.what then?

Why do the young fall down so hard?
breath into concrete;break into shards.
Tender Souls Waiting to be reaped.
all the things we grasp.Try to keep.

Brittle bones.empty homes.
crying is Just silence stamped 
out with pleasant violence.

Through the gates we tremble.
to the morose temple.
"Work will make you free"
Dragged & forced are we.

Scars of juvilent offenders.
all we are is pretenders.
we can beat them,free them or
just try to be them ,but 

 

we're both alone in our little world.

watching from the window as our lifes unfurl.


Fading faces of those you never knew.
gotta leave this place that you outgrew....

Reviews

[DiamondNRough AKA Patty..]

"crying is Just silence stamped
out with pleasant violence."

Beautiful poem, but the above is my favorite line! The young ones are so often ignored, but endore more then they should have to endore.

[WordMaster]

What a well-written emotionally charged poem.

"Through the gates we tremble, to the morose temple." What a wonderfully crafted line

This poem demonstrates the range of your writing skills

Nicely done

[fireofunrest]

I LOVED this. amazing play of words. i think the most amazing thing about this work is that it reminded me of "1984" by George Orwell. it also invited me into a world I know way too much about! this part is what I am referring to when I say orwell:

Through the gates we tremble.
to the morose temple.
"Work will make you free"
Dragged & forced are we.

I feel like this on a daily basis. poetry like this keeps me writing. I am honored.

[Sam Summers]

"crying is Just silence stamped
out with pleasant violence."

i love that pseudo-rhyme

is it a theme that all your poems have the words 'young ones' in them? well, three do

[Alice]

Not shitey at all, its going in my favourites.
I usually comment on lines that I particularly love, but in this case that'd mean the whole poem, cos every line's just so spot on it made me smile and want to cry at the same time.
Its very Ian Curtis, but at the same time its totally your own voice.
Seriously, I love it.
xxxxx