If one gets depressed then.....

A Chapter by JessyJacob

Depression kills activity thought process sometimes we don't even realise we are having depression. We like to be alone not interested in anything of one is really put of goal then it definitely leads to negative thoughts.
Everyone knows what's going on, still make us fool avoid let them go away and we will enjoy.

I had this depression many times in my life right from age of 20s started when I was in bachelors. Till then I was very happy studious playful helped my mom in chores, made siblings to focus on study. But once I was in engineering it's co education so threat of attractions people follow you hurt you disturb you. But I never neglected my study and focused more to get job from campus selections. But I failed in two personal and career. In career I didn't get job slipped away from getting into wipro. Personally my class hurted me. Then till 2006 I was struggling with less paid jobs. Then I gpty visa did MS in Texas.. through these 5 yrs I could sometime fell into depression. But the age was like made me to be strong in achieving my dream. I finished my master's within 1.5 yrs. Got job before my graduation. Then couple of years I worked and it was time for wedding, I was so frustrated not getting matches my parents tried seriously finally I got wedded in 2010 dec. During these I was like crying why I am not getting married.
After wedding got conceived in 3 months and after my son born everything was going smoothly. Never I had got depression. But never I thought I will be struggling again. In June 2012 got job in big company, then from there my struggle started.i don't know what was reason but I tried to be sincere to my husband, but God has tested me to make life a twist what I would do if a third person enters into my life needing me. I could do what my heart said. My decision disturbed my son and husband life. Broke my family, still I feel somehow I did wrong but I took a decision only to save ones life and thought I would manage my son and husband will find another because I felt I was cheating my husband because I am thinking of another person. By god grace my husband married to a widow. Both are happy. But my son suffering till 12 yrs depression, now he copied with trust on me after seeing me and my love for him.

After divorce the man walked away thinking I didn't love him so much.i thought he was just doing time pass just flirting kind of temporary love just a need base for his loneliness. Then I broke myself what I did was wrong decision because that man got married after dating another woman. The mystery of this man was never understood I don't know him and never talked to him as a lover. He kept me without replying back to my messages everything was going in mind.

Then in 2021 I thought he will never be coming for me as he got married, so I left for my son. And my loneliness needed me due to health reasons I thought of marrying was ready to marry 50 + yrs man too. Bit it didn't happened. I came to again ilusory thoughts always making me to stay in India with huge loss I moved here.

In 2023 I got job here in India and again till now my loneliness making me undergo depression. The man's father died and people thought I only killed him why would I do I have some cursingthat gets true?
His life getting disturbed due to some reasons and I was praying for him.

I always pray for him me and my son. If we 3 are fine nothing gets wrong.. but a fourth person started hurting me my yagnya my body with magic spell...
Still we 3 are suffering due to this evil brain disturbing is our life career families.

What is there in hurting many do you think god is saving you, then if so there is no god in this world who is supporting evil brains....
Again depression started.

But I know what to do if my heart is hurting I just focus doing pooja and doing good for us three and believing that we are fine.

Jessy Jacob.

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