Married life! Why to me so?

The only dream of my generation was to have wedding and settle in life.
My life it went other way to pursue higher studies, but inner heart desired of personal life with wedding. I thought there is proper time for everything like studies, job, wedding and supporting family. In my life every thing happened little late with a struggle. Things in my hands I never neglected. Out of my hands I did pooja fastings to God to help me out.

I wished and wanted to have wedding and married life, inlaws, kids, sisterinlaws.
God took away my desire of longing for wedding and married life, I was thinking why took forever which I longed for and never gave it back, I am not sure whether I got love of people loving and caring without being my family. Few guys at college used to like me and tell to their sisters and parents, they still like me. I was a jealous to feel that my friends why guys like her. Maybe it's the reason guys who liked never talked to me though liked me alot, God wanted to protect me from their jealousy. Even my soulmate the only one person who adored me alot has not been part of my life, but he does care about me and think about me including their total family.
Why people are so careless about relationships and going towards divorces, is it because the person doesn't love or they don't need that person love, or is money luxury makes you happy than a mere person with life. Godmakes the human relationships, and ties with knot only to make them stay together but nowadays sex pleasure enjoying drink and money that is it people think. But at one point of time you will definitely cry alot to break that knot though it looks foolish to care for that person who vowed for you to stay with you a life time. Because this will definitely make you think how parents try to see their kids wedded, I see what a lonely life can giv you when you feel blessed if you have your man doing every simple thing to make you happy. People lose patience and think life with kids is a boring life. I really saw so many couples that fight but still love and live together.

At this point of my life, I just only pray never keep me away from my man including his family, how much tough life you may giv to me I will try to face but I just don't want to remain alone, life with loving man is heaven to live though few financial damages may come.
If i.had done something wrong try to forgive me, what is that life gay wedding lesbians live together, what is that ill fate to live with homosexuals, I want to cry before God, don't make them gays or lesbians, give better life with male and females, I never knew until I stepped into USA that there is third type of sex to enter in filling forms. It was a pain for me people of similar sex stay together and third type of name spouse for husband, later it took much time to understand spouse is for people who got married but living separately. I never knew though a divorcee that there will be alimony that husband has to pay for wife. New things coming in life as the future running past moat things turn in different.

I had to dream otherwise I will become an option for people, I stilll regret to pray to God to give good man who loves me and stays with me.

Sorry it's lot of thoughts I have been through over life time and still struggling why my life turned so doubtful and a mess though I sorted out by people's impact.

I love my man why I shouldnt live with my man why he has not come for me, maybe he is aligning stars not to disturb our horoscope and life, so kindly and patiently wait for him.

Jessy Jacob
Thank you for reading my personal feelings and never imposing on others.