Hair Fair

Dedicated to my husband 😅 -RAVIN'S INK PROMPT-hair

Your hair, a dense forest,

I am happy monkey that rests.

It’s full beauty of spring rolls,

my hand stuck, when I try scroll.

Closely rooted as grassy,

even your messy it’s classy.

Less I know, blacky forest,

Beneath there stress, no rest,

work work work,

work too in dark.

Now, pouring rabbit’s oil,

thinking grow- as seeded soil?

Plateful rich foods of iron,

Will hair upturn , back earn?

But less did you know,

Though falls and become low

Or to be popeye’s hair,

my love for your hair,

grows and always fairer.

Reviews

[Snow_]

Your hair, a dense forest
(You forget your comma)

Also i think am means i am so
I am happy monkey that rest seems weird

Me a happy monkey that rests
Alt:
The happy monkey rests
--------

(Though it could be better)
Me the happy monkey resting
Upon it
---------------
(Like that but make it more poetic)
Because it was not that clear

Also I do not like the spaces
I think it would be better
So i can know when to pause

My hand struck(can not understand but)
When i try to scroll

Rooted closely as grass

I think grassy looks like a nickname

Even if it is messy it is still classy

Beside the stress, no rest
....
....

I think beneath may look weird not sure(definitely)

[Jeyanthi]

Thanks for the suggestions.. I 'm editing it again..
Closely rooted as Grassy (for forced rhyming)... fibrous root of grass..
Even your (instead of it - to represent his hair)...
Beneath- lower level... or under... work causing stress which inturn hairfalls...
Work in dark is nightshift... hand got struck , when we comb or try to crease the hair... because of spring like nature it got struck...
Happy monkey that rests.. is used for double meaning... I rest while he work... or also monkey 🐒 don't stay in place...

[Writergurl]

This is a really well written write, enjoyed

[Jeyanthi]

Oh thank you 😊... glad you enjoyed!

[Soren]

In metaphor hair and relationship need nurturance and care a wonderful write when the hidden is taken in and the eyes are opened.

[Jeyanthi]

Thank you 😀...
Definitely need to be taken care..both

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

you two are the definition of "relationship goals." :D
it made me smile.
have a nice day!

[Jeyanthi]

Oh glad 😅
Thank you...
Have a nice day !