The Question and the Reflection

This is a blurb I wrote sometime ago about an important decision in a mans life.

            It was quiet in the room where the man sat. He was sitting on the edge on a bed near a window. The gaze of his eyes focused only on the pattern of the light shining through the window. He was left only with his thoughts and inclinations. Forms and figures from his memory drifted in and out of existence within the span of that window frame. He wrestled with the ghosts of his past, tearing each to the ground and ripping out the mirrored heart, reflecting the depth and shape of his sins. Yet, he still felt remorse. Gasping for air, he felt the room close around him. His chest tightened, pulse quickened, -gripped, he was paralyzed with fear. In his waking immobility, he thought of the end, the dark chasm awaiting him at the end of his life and the question. In his reckoning, it stretched far beyond all his sense of reality into the mists of unknown, and he felt fear not knowing what lay beneath or across. If he could make the journey, what would await him on the other side, and would he be able to bear it?  Or if he stumbled from the cliffs, and tumbled down the rock crags would he feel pain at the bottom? Tormented so was the man. Destruction flew across his mind in the form of atom bombs. It was unknown how long he sat there on the bed. But when he finally left the window frame had gone dark with the room. During that time, he channeled that fear, challenged it, and found a release. Relief flooded his mind, undoing his bonds of terror. Tears streamed from his tired eyes. But despite feeling the full weight of his age, and the time remaining for him, he was calm. He now knew that life would make death seem like nothing, that when he reached there, he would not face it with fear, but rather with determination. It was with this notion, that the man left the bed and began to live his life again.

Reviews

[Gracie-San]

Wow, this was a really great piece. The concept is absolutely great, and the way it's done here is great also, but it does need a few tweaks.

I feel like it's really choppy. Like the sentences didn't flow together as well as they should. Maybe you could fix that by combining certain sentences to make them into one big sentence instead of having so many short ones.

Other than that, it was absolutely fine and I enjoyed reading it!

[Hellslastwarrior]

Hey you just befriended me :) I thought i would take a look at your work and reveiw a piece i chose this because I espeacilly enjoy stories.
I actually like the way that in my opinion this story was in fact two stories, first you set the general story with a little of the plot then you showed that there was in fact a whole different story with your fantastic adventure of the man's emotions. I very much enjoyed reading this story and am rating it 90 because i like a writer that can prove writing a story is not all about the plot but can also be about other things such as emotions. A couple of tweaks and it will be great. Keep it up! :)

[Natalie]

You explained the struggle of the man the lesson he learned so well and clear. The emotion was amazing. I felt like I was this man! which is kinda weird cause I'm a girl but I mean it in a sense like I felt what the character was feeling and that's excellent. I also liked the end and how you talked about life making death seem like nothing. Absolutely loved it. :D