Wish and Wait

I really don't know how it entered my brain..just wrote it when it came.. :)

____________________♥___________________

Wish and Wait

 

I wish you’ll come back

Without losing even a single track.

Every time I look at the big sky,

It always makes me wanna cry.

And when I remember your smile

It makes my day worthwhile.

 

I wish I could be your everything

Like an angel setting on its wing.

It’s never been easy for me to say

That I’ve been loving you more each day.

Whenever I glance back at the past;

I'm reminded my love for you will last

 

How I wish I could be your life

And we’ll be together even in the afterlife.

I wish life would be fair

Even in times of despair.

But I know there’s a lot of time to wait

And let God lead me to my fate.

____________________♥___________________

Author's Note

It would help if you try to correct the grammars and spellings and requesting what to change by posting some reviews.It will surely help me improve. Thanks! :)

Reviews

[bianca]

wow. cheesy but you rhymed though it's a bit of forced. you can hear it sound deep and sincere and absolute.

[A Lone Creative Nomad]

That was cute:) It was deeper than I thought it would be. Nice!

[Dev]

Awww.. this is very sweetly presented !!! Very well written !!

[jhed]

thanks for all!!!

[DanielleK]

It is a really beautiful poem. The idea of it is really amazing. Some of the rhyming was a bit forced, but all in all it was a good read. Good work.

[Camille Corbett]

Your rhyming made me cringe.It was all very cliche. Perhaps I'm a bitter heart? I just don't like this very much. You trivialized a grand emotion. However my other comment on your previous poem doesn't apply. It's semi flowy far better writing.

[alison13]

great job on expressing your feelings.. keep on writing... :)

[Deeksha]

Cute rhyme scheme. :)

Good luck in my contest. :)

[rielovella]

Wow! I liked this poem and I remember someone whenever I read this.

[LisetteCanWrite!]

This was full of yearning for an old flame.. for one so young that must be hard to deal with. Your writing was really well done.. the rhythm, rhyme and flow was fabulous .. the only thing I noted was:

Whenever I give a glimpse of the past
I knew my love for you will last

The tenses are a little off in these two lines above .. "Whenever I glance back at the past; I'm reminded my love for you will last".. now you could use another word like "believe instead of find.. or even "know" .. there are so many ways it can be reworded.. the way it sits it just sounded a little off but not major.. this is really welldone for your age.. a really magnificent job!