At Least Was Less - Grasshopper

for a tramp I knew growing up around where I Iived; we called him Grasshopper. hair like bob marley, demeanour and look that of a Jesus figure.

Tramp

carrying log, long;

on dry day

through wet night.

sticks of dreadlocked hair

pelting dreaded dreams

camped on the lane

near the track's sleeper beams.

now what cracks?

It's his life

or at least, was less it seems!

This triumph of disaster:

who said that

a pessimistic optometrist needed glasses?

bleeding hearts, thats who!

spilling the beans

and soiling the sheets.

His fate blowing his boat 

onto the tramp trodden 

shipping lane of s**t!

inescapable, yes fateful

He knows.

I knew

that his experience 

was forward compatible with this poem

for dispatch

on a dry night

(though eye not dry)

in the future lane..

the vast net of bugs unexplained

outside a town near you.

Reviews

[Marie Harrison]

Loved it! I loved the rhyme, the imagery and the message too. Clever poem.

[jinjahman]

I dont mind if you say kick-a*s..
I would be moved

[nothing]

This is one kick-butt poem. I was going to say something else, but decided when you tell me to, then I will. LOL. You did a great job with this one and can't wait to read more. :-)

Sarah.

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

incredibly creative use of metaphors with subtle brandings of irony~ engaging and definitely artistic!~

[Cynthia]

I agree that your opening is really attractive!!
I love your poem so, and the front is nice! I love how you cross out the words, LOL.
That's a great Poem!

[Kerry O'Connor]

That opening stanza is a great hook - loved the pelted dreaded dreams line. Then you hit us with the social satire and brought it round to a melancholy ending.

Gotta say I like it.

[Wondering Mind]

I always loved the warm-hearted Irish sarcasm.
You have quite a few witty phrases in this one.

[Norma M Sutton]

Nicely remembered.

[Hollow Man]

you have a really different and interesting voice in this poem. it made it hard to read yet intriguing because of its originality. i have mixed feelings. i love the story behind it tho and i love some of the sarcastic phrases