My Black Heart

For my sins do not fall upon unwritten ears, that I might be so lucky to never hear

For every shadow cast on this black heart, is a soul that has wondered beyond the dark

And when found, these souls are ashen grey, but still give hope to seize one last day...

Reviews

[Rose of many colours]

Hmm ,' this black heart, is a soul that has wondered in the dark' This is deep thoughts expressed here..Thanks for sharing..God bless.

[bobc]

M...in the second line, did you mean 'wandered' rather than 'wondered'? ...bobc

[MrBooyay]

Well that was something I was contemplating, I wasn't trying to mean it in a literal sense so much, because death is one of those things that can happen even before your physical body dies. So you wouldn't actually be wandering into the dark, but inside your mind maybe a part of you HAS died because you wondered at the dark. The dark being something that you've been through in life, or a regret of something in the past. And I just kind of wanted to get the reader to contemplate that take on the sentence as well, rather than just walking into the dark. But from a grammatical point of view, you're completely right. So I don't know if that's a good enough reason to leave it like that or not. What do you think?

[bobc]

I think you answered your own question. In your reply, you said '...you wondered at the dark,...' and not 'into the dark's you used in the poem. Besides '...wondered into...' just begs the question I asked anyway. But as with everything in a poem, author's prerogative wins out. Glad you responded the way you did. Keep 'em coming.

[bobc]

Somehow my reply got mangled a little. I wanted to say " '...and not into the dark' as you used in the poem".

[L.M.Warde]

I liked this a lot. It had a full feel to it even with its shortness. Good word choice and imagery, well done!

[Sami Khalil]

"these souls are ashen grey, but still give hope to seize one last day...'

Pen on some good writes like this one...:)..............

[MrBooyay]

Thanks! And i'm most certainly trying!

[Sami Khalil]

OK. You are welcome...:)..................