Man and His Nature

Everything was tranquil:

The tall grass disheveled, twisted and still,

The elephant was soundly sleeping

Downhill until...

Wildness!

The tall grass swayed terribly,

The hill relentlessly jolted - 

The elephant awoke

But it had no more time

To shout "Swiper, no swiping!"

Because it was being choked!

It shuddered, it threw up.

Eventually, it died.

And everything became tranquil again.

Reviews

[sedatezoe]

What i really like in this poem is the use of new form of imagery for phallic symbol to depict the nature of a man. This new image for the phallic symbol gives twist as well as difficulty to find the meaning of the poem. It is also commendable that you presented the poem with dignity in a gloomy atmosphere.
But i think it will add more difficulty to the poem's meaning(if you want to completely puzzle your reader) if you remove the first clear impression of its title which is, the nature of man. The "Human Nature", as these words are defined and as we all know, generally denotes the first characteristic of a MAN as an animal which is sexual pleasure. "Swiper no swiping!", there you have it!hahaha..hmmm..but I think this one blocks the tone of your poem.hehe.:)

[Sir Joe]

Thank you so much, my friend, for having an in-depth look through of this poem of mine. Your points prove that you've probed through the piece thoroughly. I just thought that the words "Swiper, no swiping" would shatter the darkness engulfing the first part of the poem.


- joe

[Ceri]

My eyes actually widened at "Wilderness!", a great use of pace following this also. I laughed at "Swiper, no swiping!", then I was jolted by the Elephant's grim end. You have a talent for twists and turns, and I found this poem thought-provoking. Another great write!

[Sir Joe]

(LOL) I would not be surprised if a great mind like yours would interpret it the way i would want it to be interpreted. Thank you for the review. That gave me a boost.

[Ceri]

I'm glad :) Your review gave me a boost too.

[anonymous101]

wow!! love it..

[Sir Joe]

thank you very much (=