The Winged Warrior

One of the only poems I ever wrote which was nearly published

 

 

 

The Winged Warrior

 

 

There they sat awaiting thier signal,

The moon shone in the sky,

The wind gently blew through the trees,

As they sat In wait,

 

We walk around without seeing them,

But they see us,

We pay no attention to them,

But they see us,

 

The sun arrives replacing the moon,

They sit posied,

Wings outstreched,

ready for take off,

The birds leave.

Author's Note

so what do you think ? I usually write storys but wanted to put something up to set me off

Reviews

[Sarah]

Very nice comparison between warriors and birds, I enjoyed reading this. One typo in the first line, but otherwise, everything looks okay :)

[John B]

thank you for all the feedback it has been great. With this poem I might in the futre take a look at it and maybe try and turn it into some sort of story what do you guys think

[Dawn]

I like this john, forms a great vision in your mind. Keep writing and thanks for showing me the site.

[mick weller]

I get the feeling you're referring to crows at dawn? ie. seem a bit threatening - warrior ?

thier (their?)
The wind gently blew (does The wind blew gently flow better?)
They sit posied, (?) (is this NEast dialect speek?)
Us - you and a mate or all of us (I get the sense of the poacher in the woods at night?)
Maybe you've got something to work with here as I seem to feel that I'm missing part of something going on?
cheers
hi - just come back to have another look at this - Is dawn their signal?
If you have a story in your head that this is condensed into (?) - then I think you can do both - poem and story - they can each have their own identity... be great. I envy people who can reduce experiences down to so few words!
thanks for sharing!