Chapter 1 - Reunion

This is the first chapter of the book.

One year has passed since the battles at the Newton estate. In that time, Kenan, and his brother Kel both studied Business management at Boston University. On the side, Kenan continued to function as a Time Guardian. Even with Kel’s memories of that identity gone, Kenan always used it as a plural whenever he left a note for the proper authorities to find. Everything for Kenan seemed to be normal until one day. As Kenan was finishing coursework at his dorm, his watch began to glow on its own. “What is this?” said Kenan as he saw a typed message appear in the form of a projection with the glowing. The note itself said: “Hi Kenan. It is me, Kafziel. I hope you have been all right this past year. I was hoping that you would like to visit me. I need your help.” Kenan smiled at the message, stopped working on his assignment, left the residence hall and called for a rideshare to return to the Newton estate. Kenan immediately jumped out of the car and rang the bell the moment he reached the destination. “Kenan. Is that you?” said Kafziel. “Yes, it is.” said Kenan. “Come on in.” said Kafziel as she opened the gate and had her limo driver take Kenan to the mansion. Kafziel sat by the front door waiting for Kenan to come. “Kenan. Welcome back.” said Kafziel. “Kafz. I got your message. How is it going?” said Kenan. “I have a very important matter I’ll need your assistance with.” said Kafziel. “Please tell me what it is.” said Kenan. “Astaroth has been taken.” said Kafziel. “What?!! I thought that you had him sealed. How did that happen?” said Kenan. “My stubborn daughter and son. They came here and took him. I need you to find them, stop them and bring Astaroth back here.” said Kafziel. “But how do I stop them? They are angels just like you. There is no way a human like me can stand a chance against an angel. Let alone two of them.” said Kenan. “I will train you to become a time mage. With that you will be able to do more than just travel to timelines. You will gain a power far greater than any you have ever used before.” said Kafziel. “Before I give an answer, I like to ask why you need me.” said Kenan. “I have two reasons. First, I do not want to fight my own children. I would rather have someone fight them in my stead. Second, I was hoping that you would do this to return the favor for helping you stop your brother last year.” said Kafziel. “That is fair enough. I will do as you wish.” said Kenan. “Thank you, Kenan. Your training will begin tomorrow.” said Kafziel. The reunion for Kenan and Kafziel may not have been as they wished but they looked at it as a time of working together once again.

Reviews

[johnub4]

Thanks Damien for your feedback.

[damienf]

You're very welcome. You're already better than 95% of the population. You put pen to paper and wrote a story! Keep it up.

[damienf]

Hey John. I sense you're young and if not I stand corrected. There are certain rules when writing prose, and you've broken a few here. Rules absolutely can be broken to serve a purpose, but you should know that asks a lot from your reader, so the payoff must be worth it.

A whole chapter contained in a single paragraph is quite jarring. I've done that myself (almost) for effect, but this seems unintentional. Without getting into the weeds, I'd recommend you use paragraphs and line breaks - especially when changing the speaker. Even the best writing might look suspect crammed together like this. Good luck!