Chapter 1 - Broken Heart

This is the first chapter of the book.

Inside the living room of a two-family house located on Dorchester Avenue in Boston, Massachusetts, was a young Caucasian male named Gordon Stone along with his Dominican fiancé named Sophia Reyes. Gordon and Sophia stared at each other out of anger. Sophia sat on a chair right next to her parents Noah and Amelia, who were also present in the room. Gordon breathed slightly as he held onto his engagement ring. “Gordon?” said Amelia. “Yes?” said Gordon. “Were going to ask you about something. We want to know if it’s true.” said Amelia. “I really don’t know what you are talking about Amelia.” said Gordon. “What happened at your apartment last week when Sophia visited? We’re asking because we want to hear your side. We trust you.” said Noah. “Well as you both and my parents know Sophia wanted to spend Christmas with me at my place. The first thing she brought up was a self-letter she wrote. Part of it was believing that no one loves her and thought it would be better off if she were dead. She even brought up getting intimate with me. Later that night on Christmas Eve, we made out on my bed. I told her over and over that I love her. I wanted her to believe that she at least has my love. We were close to having intercourse until Sophia said that she could not do it. I respected her wishes and stopped. After I came home from driving passengers for rideshare on the next night on Christmas Day, Sophia and I did have intercourse after she said let’s do it. And that is what happened?” said Gordon. “And are you sure that what you have said is true.” said Amelia. “Yes. I am telling you both the truth.” said Gordon. “Well Sophia told us you raped her.” said Noah. Immediately, Gordon stood up and said, “No!! That’s a big fat lie!!” “No, it’s not!” said Sophia as she stood up as well. Noah stood in the middle of the couple and said, “Stop this right now! Okay Gordon, as much as we love you, we have no choice but to call the police and allow them to find out who is lying. You understand. Right?” Gordon sighed, looked at the ground and said, “Yes.” And with that, Noah called the police. Within minutes, the Boston Police officers came and took Gordon into custody. Gordon didn’t say a single word on the ride to the station. He hoped that matters would look up as he told the police his story. Fortunately for Gordon, he was released three weeks later. Noah, Amelia and Sophia were waiting for Gordon in the lot. Gordon was escorted with officers to his family. Sophia stood with her parents out of rage making her say, “Why the hell did they let you go?” “Miss. Unfortunately we couldn’t find any evidence behind your story.” said one of the officers. “I knew I was innocent. I can go home free and move on with my life. Sophia. I now see you for what kind of woman you really are. We are through.” said Gordon as he took out his engagement ring from his property bag and threw it on the ground. The moment Sophia heard what Gordon said and watched what he did, she pulled out a pocketknife and raced toward him with it. “Hey!! Drop the knife!!” said another police officer as he deployed his taser gun. Unfortunately, the weapon failed to stop Sophia from reaching Gordon. Gordon, however, slapped the deadly weapon out of Sophia’s hand and pushed her to the ground. The police officers present at the scene held Sophia onto the ground and placed her in handcuffs. “Get the hell off of me!” said Sophia as she resisted. “You are under arrest for assault with a deadly weapon and resisting.” said the police officer. “Bye Sophia. You enjoy jail now.” said Gordon as he waved to Sophia. “Gordon you are a scourge. You are a disgrace. You’re an abomination and I hope that you rot in Hell.” said Sophia as the officers took her away. Noah and Amelia stood out of shock. “Gordon, I don’t know why she did this. I’m sorry for that.” said Noah as he held Gordon’s shoulder. “Yeah. We did all what we could to raise her when we took her in.,” said Amelia. “I’m going to be alright.” said Gordon. “Okay. If you ever need anything, feel free to call us.” said Noah as he and his wife got in their car and left. Gordon’s disturbance was quelled with the faint calls from a lone cat that stood right next to him. The cat’s fur was red as well as its eyes. Without even thinking, Gordon picked up the cat and took her home. As Gordon took a rideshare back to his residence, he noticed that a man was standing on the sidewalk staring right at him. The man’s skin complexion was darker than Gordon’s. That man was wearing a brown shirt and matching pants made completely out of sackcloth. There was a bull-horned headdress and a crown of blue flames both on his head. Gordon and the unknown man faced each other while the car passed. At his one-bedroom apartment on Dorchester Street near Andrew Square, he brought the cat a can of tuna fish to feed. Seeing the cat eat her food made the melancholy of his broken heart begin to slip away. Gordon noticed the collar and the cat’s neck making him say, “I made a new friend named Asmodeus.” 

Reviews

[JayG]

This is unreadable. No one will put up with a solid block of text, like you have here.

1. Look at any novel in the library. If what you post doesn't have that format, with new, indented paragraphs for each bit of dialog, and changes in subject fix it.

2. If you’re not replacing the period in dialog that has a tag attached with a comma, fix it.

At the moment the only one on stage is you, storytelling. That cannot be made to work. Readers can’t know what emotion you would place into the storytelling, so for them it’s a text to speech voice.

Bottom line: Fiction Writing is a profession. You can no more use the nonfiction writing skills we’re given in school than you can perform surgery with Health Class skills.

So, if your goal is to write, you need to dig into the skills of writing fiction.