Light Years Away

Something so beautiful you admire night after night

Late at night as I look to the sky,

I can’t help but ask myself why.

Why is it I feel like I cannot breathe,

Every time you have to leave?

The vast empty space twinkling above,

Makes me reflect on the absence of my love.

Not one star can burn nearly as bright as she,

For she lights up my world, as vivid as can be.

So far away but I see she’s there,

I only hope she knows how much I care.

The earth’s gravity shifts her direction,

From the horizon you see a glimpse of her perfection.

10, 9, 8, 7, 

To get to her I’d skip past Heaven,

6, 5, 4, 3, 

This is where she should be.

2

And then from no where, out of the blue,

1

 

Author's Note

I left the end open, just to tease you guys. If you like, put your final line in a comment. I'd love to see what you come up with.

Reviews

[Theartofburning]

Phantom hands caressed me.

Upon my horror from embracing such sorrow,
that ghostly figure held on tighter.
Constricting me.
She had lead my heart astray.
Roping back in my one true friend,
this organ I kept at bay.

A recollection of my reminiscence that appeared to be just light years away..

^_^

What a wonderful write!
Keep up the great work.

[That_Guy]

Nice, I like it. dark yet passionate. Well done.

Thank you very much.

[Kenaz]

My only, brighter than the sun.

[That_Guy]

I like it, it would work very well. Thank you ;)

[Kaylor Mason]

I think my final line would be "the love that supports me has finally shone true" or something like that--something to rhyme with blue. This is good. I really don't know how to review this otherwise--I've sworn off relationships and love. But even so--nice poem

[That_Guy]

i like it, nice. haha there ya go. Nothing wrong with being a Lone Wolf

[Priscilla Sayers]

A very passionate, sorrowful and clever piece.
I love the countdown, it really expresses your sinking feeling, causes the reader to feel it with you.
Nice!

[That_Guy]

I'm glad you do, I was iffy about it at first but I'm happy with the result

[Elizabeth]

This is sweet with out being saccharine. It reminds me of a sweet summer love song. It's dreamy and wistful... and just a touch sad. Well done.

[That_Guy]

thank you very much.

[Elizabeth]

:) yw

[Yarelis Vidal]

awww so cute and humble. last lines

To get to her Id skip past heaven, this is where she should be,
And than out of no were, out of the blue,
Im once again infront of you

[That_Guy]

well done, I like it. Thank you

[Heather]

To get to her I'd skip past heaven? a woman should be so lucky to have a man feel that way about her.

However since you need to stay with the structure of the poem I would change it to this - To get to her I'd skip past cloud nine

Last lines -
This is where she should be, by this heart of mine
And then from no where, out of the blue
She is brighter then any star could ever be equal to

[That_Guy]

I like to think so.

but I'm constantly on Cloud Nine with her in mind.

cute, amazing as always. ;)

[Heather]

oh also noticed a typo..breath should be breathe..

[That_Guy]

thank you