drown in deeper dreams

2006

                            steady daylight burns your sleepy eyes

                            makes it hard to see you dreaming

                             always you hide inside yourself

                           sometimes I wonder what your thinking

                            and about everything your chasing

                             it seems to leave you so empty

                             and it won't take long to burn

                           through the nothing you've learned

                            and the things you choose to be

                           all eyes on me, your eyes look away

                               it's so hard to be someone

                                strung out from today

                          all that you know will slip away

                          as you drown in deeper dreams

                              inventing new religions 

                            they smile and stab my back

                               I lie and have to laugh

                            you'll hide in your room 

                               and the light will burn away

                          as you move away from the truth

                               it's all so far from you 

Reviews

[Dahlia Phoenix]

"all that you know will slip away
as you drown in deeper dreams
inventing new religions"

These three lines are memorable by comparison. I love the flow you have at the ending of each sentence bringing dark emotions that capture the reader's interest. Unbelievably superb!

[realmwriter]

Inventing new religions and new ways to hide from the same old lies. Inventing new lies to the the naive who follow blindly behind the preachers of hate...!

[patricia]

I got distracted as I read. The switch from you to I confused me.
loved the last lines when i got back on track...the way reality gets distorted and out of reach. Thanks.

[Crow]

I get the feeling of being lost in the contemplation of an unsure reality. I love the flow and the feel of this piece, Well penned!

Another poem to enjoy from the descriptive and deep dark imagery which you provide. This poem is by no means a disappointment or even a twitch towards that direction of though.
From the very introductory line of: "steady daylight burns your sleepy eyes" you lock the reader on for a full on joy ride yo.
The lines that do rhyme and transition are really catchy to the point of being in fact original catch phrases of pure geniuses... I've really found this poem entertaining at best, which is all in all truth. the tale of the relationship I must admit has that since of a Joker-like (dark night version) twist with the wife's behavior which troubles the man.

To be constructive, I must admit that the beat is sometimes overlooked here I find, and there are few grammar errors.. message me if you have trouble finding them and I'll point them out for you.

overall: 90/100 is a good score, really adored this write bro.

[EMMIE]

THIS ONE GOES TO THE HEART. I CAN RELATE TO THIS.

[taylorrose]

thats so me i always hide inside myself because thats where i feel safe the only place i believe doesnt judge its all i know. thank you for sharing with me its such a lovely peice.

[InkSlinger]

Deeply touching.. the heart of a romantic..
This piece really stuck in my throat tonight!.. and brought a li' tear.
Thank you for sharing this!!

[Cascara (aka Sprint Goe..]

Really romantic!

[Draven]

Thats cool. I like how well it flows and I like the rythem to it.

[~Sarah~ Idríel T..]

'steady daylight burns your sleepy eyes
makes it hard to see you dreaming
always you hide inside yourself
sometimes I wonder what your thinking
and about everything your chasing'

Like always you have done great job Josh! I really love this! Love the emotions!

I gave 90/100 because this is (in short saying) AWESOME and it feels so familiar to me.

And I put it in my faves. :)