blur

09/2011

                                        Wrote this on the window

                                that contains true loves kiss

                                never again will I let you in

                             I can't allow this to consume me

                                    Get away from me

                                 your lies are so addicting 

                                  I've felt this way before

                                  and I can't stand here 

                                waiting with hell chasing

                                           after me

Reviews

[Hayley]

Mournful. Devastating. Contemplating. Deciding.
The only suggestion I have for you is to possibly omit the "to me" second stanza, 3rd line. I think it would improve the flow of this piece.
I can't pick out my favorite lines, but it seems to me that you have chosen just the right amount and quality of words, as well as image to really define this poem. The window at the beginning really serves a symbol that carries through.
Excellent work!

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

A short poem with a impact and great feeling in it. Really nice.

[Draven]

Yeah, I know this feeling so well. I like how you wrote this too. Tje first two lines are the best though.

[Crow]

Exquisite and elegant. I love the symbolic meaning of this piece from the heart.

[Miss Marie Riorden.]

Though short, it gets the poitn across.
Like a screaming warning that you don't to fall into the tantalization of someone else.
"Waitng with hell chasing
after me."
I like.
You use simple, but effective words for this. :)
Great job!

-Marie-

[Inyourshadow]

The opening two lines are perfection, the whole image of the kiss forever frozen on glass is wonderful. How many of us have partaken of this, kissing goodnight or goodbye to a loved one or even just in fun blowing out our cheeks to make them laugh. I love the way you end this in such a dark shroud, for is bad love not truely hell. Keep em' coming

Get away from me
your lies are so addicting
Love those two lines, I think we can all relate to your tragically honest words.
Thanks for sharing.

[SkinlessFrank]

"Get thee to a nunnery" are the words that come to mind here.

[FJ Davis]

Wow--she must be some force!
A lyrical yet definitive statement that--for the sake of one's survival as self--a relationship must either end, or not begin again.
At some point, most of us actually do learn.
Very fine work, Joshua.

[∂αʌ<..]

passionate poem! short but up to the point!
when words become murmurs of poison...hmmm....and a nice escape also!
wonderful poem!^^

[Chris]

Affective and understood.

Chris