Lost Apologies

 

The chair next to your bed

becomes my home

An infomercial asks me if I am happy

with my flab and I almost sob aloud

 

Pale and thin, you draw breath

carefully, painfully

I watch each intake

1, 2, 3, 4...

how many seconds between

each

breath?

 

We can't talk about it anymore

no apologies, no last minute confessions

I have to forgive you based on what?

Trust?

Kindness?

Self-preservation?

 

I try to breathe with you but I 

almost suffocate under the strain

My eyes wander back to the T.V.

and I see a teenage girl crying over her

prom dress

What I wouldn't give to trade places

with this selfish girl...

 

You stir and shift with a moan and

I can see the diaper they fashioned for you

"She will not wake up, she will go peacefully"

F**k that...

Apologize

please...

 

I sit with you until your hand is cold

until it's clear you're not here...

and if I continue to try to breathe

with you

my hand will be

cold as well

 

Author's Note

Very new...please help me with this. I might be too close to it.