Reality's Awful Spell

Ben is just another hallucination of a lonely mind

Were we lovers were we friends he misses me but not enough to leave his wife

Yet after bringing me pepper mint toads he wants to snuggle before lying at her side for the night

 I finally said goodbye

to the girl i never wanted to be

there is no reason for a mistress

this is not my chosen destiny

i release you because I wont steal from her

its never been a goal

i am once again in control

yet the unknown is one giant black hole

i am alone

I left him behind

gave him one last hug hello and goodbye

I now just want to find Mr. Right

I dont want to cry for whats been lost

I realize whats is lost never was

one thing is true

I really did love you

i tried to give him the money

for the expensive peppermint toads

he just said give me a hug honey

he said come and give me a little rub baby

i truly wanted to

i truly wanted you

but i said no

i wont

i want another story

i am tired of this one

he has gone

before he goes he says call me if I ever get lonely

i wont be lonely for something that was never love but just sex only

its sad that we treat each other this way

he tricked me with is other face

it makes me sad because i really did love him

yet he doesnt exist

i am not dumb

am i ugly

it allows you to not treat me so lovely

and what of her

you paint the married picture

yet cheat her with me

it dont make any sense

i cried after he left

i dont know why

i know its better this way

yet why is this the way

why did we meet

why am i the one faced with defeat

always to love and loss

i dont want those pretty words

i dont want those advice

i welcome the anger tonight

it will sleep at my bedside

he says i miss you as he goes away

why then didnt he stay

why did we meet on the way

why is it him i always crave

i wish the memories were erased

yet all leaves me feeling crazed

like an addict looking for her next hit

i denied him one last kiss

finding i too ending feeling the miss

yet i know what lies ahead will be for better than this

how do i get through the sadness

how do i cross over from the madness

why do some get diamond rings

dress up in white

party things

I am still waiting for Mr. Right

All I can do is wait with anger tonight

I have to embrace this destiny

He never chose me

Tonight though I said goodbye to the girl i never wanted to be

I am growing but it hurts never knowing

why wasn't i good enough

i was the best but not one drop of love did i get

but how can he love when he lives so twisted

in the end i am no angel

just a girl trying to survive well

only to feel the aftermath of reality's awful spell