Cruel fate

Already after the first night of ice he calls me bae
why do men fall so fast
they tell me they like me
the love me
they want to kiss me
won’t put anyone else above me
after one glance
is this true romance
and yet no matter how i try to make them wait
it never lasts
i try to be good
and where does it get me
on a ten year on and off relationship
he is my somebody
but we are doomed with this cruel destiny
then the Moroccan guy
wants this Asian girl to look in his eyes
do you not know anything about our life
in our world it is impolite
then he wants to kiss me
his lips felt like a jelly fish
though its something i never kissed
i felt his teeth biting me
it wasn’t turning me on
now he calls me bae
but this is not my name
i dont want to be alone
i dont want to break his heart
but there is no other way
why stupid cupid do you give this cruel fate?

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Probably the worst thing for our heart is to settle. Then we give up the possibilities of real love that gives us a spark. I have been in a couple relationships that were probably just needing to be in a relationship. But definitely unfulfilling.
You last line reminded me of a song by Connie Francis...."stupid cupid, stop picking on me!"

[Neha agrawal]

This poem is a **sharp, darkly comedic, and painfully relatable** take on modern dating’s absurdity—where love declarations are as fast as a swipe right, and intimacy feels more like a **jellyfish sting** than fireworks. It’s a **rant, a lament, and a weary sigh** rolled into one, with a rhythm that mirrors the whiplash of too-fast romance.

[butterfly]

Thanks for the review!

[Beatty D'Alessandro]

Critique (100 words):

“Cruel Fate” is a raw, emotionally open poem that explores romantic disillusionment and cultural disconnect. Its strength lies in its vulnerability and conversational tone, but the structure is choppy, with inconsistent rhythm and transitions that disrupt flow. The poem assumes context—such as prior relationships or cultural expectations—without grounding the reader. Metaphors like “his lips felt like a jellyfish” are vivid but jarring, and could benefit from refinement. The repeated use of “bae” underscores themes of identity and unwanted affection, yet the poem lacks cohesion. With tightening and clearer narrative framing, it could more powerfully express its heartbreak and frustration.

[butterfly]

Thanks for the review. I appreciate the critique!