different

I always felt different still do, but really who cares im happy most of the time, have most of my health and love to write we are all different in this wonderful world we live

she knew

she was different

the day when

those 2  kids  said

this to her

back in primary aged 7

2nd grade it was

from memory

ha ha they jeered

you are just like

peter over there

shy gauky never talks

you dont laugh or talk much either

ha ha they laughed

as they pushed past me in line

I stood then at the end with Peter

by my side

he looked across in empathy

at roll call that cold winter

morning

I had thought those 2 were my

friends

i hugged my rough blue jumper

it was cold that sydney morning

this came as a shock it was big news to me

as tears burnt my cold wind blown face

hair in  my eyes

lucky i had a fringe to hide

loved that fringe

but the thing is

i never felt different

i had a family that loved me

i felt wanted

i was one of them

the youngest spoilt a bit

i felt secure in my big family

going into class that day

i felt self conscious

awkward

like i didnt belong anymore

i wet my pants that day

in class

sent home

walked home

unheard of in this day and age

now with all the kidnaps

i was only 7 told to walk home

in my wet pants

got home

mum was more embarrassed

but loving she quickly put me in the bath

years later i look back on this day

everytime i am excluded at work

or ignored or feel out of place

or just lonely or whatever

in a situation in adult life

this day queing up

comes back to me

and i feel tears invisible

tears hit my fringe

it takes me back to those girls

nasty little girls

they didnt know better

their parents didnt teach them

not to pick on others

sure im different

but im me

happy in myself

a loner of sorts

ive accepted who i am

a bit anti social

not many friends

good at my job

love to write and read

love nature

love movies

love family

still functioning 60 next year

work full time

yes life has had challenges

but im glad im different

not like all the sheep

God made me different

quiet shy boring if you like

THankyou God for making me me

and not like those ignorant

girls on that cold sydney morning

queuing up for roll call

glad i had a fringe mum thanks for that

Author's Note

excuse grammar will fix soon

Reviews

[Donna]

I can relate to this so much. I to was shy and quiet, I felt awkward. One day is the 3rd grade we each had a line to sing in a song about black crows. My line was to make noise like the bird, "Caw Caw." I was so scared to do it, I was sweating but it was my turn and I said, "CaCa." Everyone laughed at me, I wanted to cry. After all these years later I still think about it, so I know it bothers me, just as your story. Some things we
just don't forget. It hurts.

[Julie McCarthy (juliespenhere)]

Yes glad you can relate
Sorry they laughed xx

[barleygirl]

This is a great piece of prose. I don’t read this like poetry at all & that’s fine. I love the way you keep it simple & childlike, so it sounds like the little girl inside you is talking conversationally. Your story is sincere but a little generalized for the first little bit, then it becomes instantly intense when you get to the pants-wetting scene & the following trauma about walking home in wet pants. That would be unheard of nowadays, but I remember walking a mile to catch the bus in very remote countryside. I’m continually amazed at how much I am picturing my own life when I read about yours. We are within a year of each other in age. I am a loner even tho most people take me for a social person. All these oddities are to be celebrated, once we learn to embrace our uniqueness, huh? (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Julie McCarthy (juliespenhere)]

hi Margie hope you are well there. I know it wasnt poetry it was more a story laid out like a poem in short spurts. thanks for reading it and yes im sure we are alike but sure we are very different too in many ways. Its taken me the last few years to accept who I am and enjoy my oddities iei likes being alone etc. this is just one day i rememeber I suppose because it stood out. it was by no means abuse or anything just a day i recall when i feel im being ignored at work or in social situations. then through my head little words speak to me and its usually oh your hopeless or yes youve always been like this since 2nd grade. then i have to check my self and say to my feelings like this of self destruction or bad self worth to go away but sometimes this doesnt work as you would know.
thanks for the lovely review xxx have a great Memorial Day is that like the ANzac day we have here?

[peter Duggan]

Hi Julie so nice to read this wonderful poem. I can relate to every word. I have been an outcaste since I was a little child I was a very sensitive lad and born in the Peckham, one of the worst places in London. I was afraid of everyone until at at twenty four I joined the Aussie army and fought in Vietnam.I Had PTSD for many years, and decided to take a good look at my inner self. Now I am afraid of nothing and am totally in love with who I am. I was born in a different world so people say to me, because I have my own ideas and walk alone. However deep joy is in me these days and I love everything. Thank you for sharing your life with us in your wonderful poem. I enjoyed the read, my friend....peter

[Julie McCarthy (juliespenhere)]

Yes it takes u s a long time to accept ourselves and love ourselves it comes with age life experience a bit of wisdom and humour and laughing at ourselves and our so called faults. thanks for this heartfelt and honest reiew and an insight into your life. my brother served in vietnam too hes 12 years older than me so maybe 71. he lives in nz

[Chris Shaw]

Children can be so cruel. The blame is firmly in the hands of their parents who didn't teach them kindness. They did not know how to be kind. How sad that you have carried this with you ever since. We are all unique, we are all different. Thank you for sharing this with us and I hope that by expressing your story it can help with your healing. Your words are touching.

Chris

[Julie McCarthy (juliespenhere)]

yes what happens in childhood usually does come back to haunt us at times in our adult life
this was nothing like what most kids go through but it made me feel different when i felt completeley normal before that if you understand what i mean. my perception of my self changed. yes the girls were ignorant their parents didnt show them the true way to treat others, i was shown that way from an early age. we lived with my parents and my old grandfather he taught me a lot in the way of treating others etc. so when im at work or feel like a shag on a rock at social dos which i avoid, or crowds or social situations this feeling comes back to me that awkward feeling. i just accept im quiet and shy and a bit of a wallflower so avoid situations where its big social events etc. yes writing does help me this is nothing like the abuse people go through when they were kids this is just a day that i remember well at school. no biggy. thanks for your reviewxx

[Chris Shaw]

My pleasure

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes those girls are definitely, were definitely ignorant.

this poem reminds me of Dick Gregory's short essay "Shame"
He talked about how he did not learn Shame at home....he learned it at school...

a moving right...we know who we are and what we are...we don't need to live by others' judgment.

[Julie McCarthy (juliespenhere)]

yes thanks for your heartfelt review
the thing is till they uttered those words i felt completely normal then became self conscious most of my life after that.
im fine really not that different but it made me FEEL DIFFERENT so i have no idea how the bullied kids of today feel they must go through hell. thanks for your kind review xx