Oceans

something i started somewhere else

I'll act as if you never knew me

As if our lives had never wrecked together

Just let myself dive into a bottle

And let the ship built there take me away

Sail to the depths and never return

 

The waves will soothe the soul

And the fish will confort the spirit

The sand will cover those wounds

And the salt will burn them

But don't worry about me

 

I will eventually return to the surface

As the sun breaks into the sky

I will come back with shine in my eyes

And fire in my belly, scorching and hungry

Ready to begin again

 

As the butterfly who opens her wings for flight

I will begin anew to fly again

Never again will I see that ocean

or let the depths engulf me again

All in sight is the skies and future.

Author's Note

raw material deserves raw critics.

Reviews

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

Thanks for considering me a raw critic! Beautiful. I favorited this poem, I absolutely loved it! The metaphor of the ocean was fresh and original. The strongest part, that sang to my soul was:

I will eventually return to the surface
As the sun breaks into the sky
I will come back with shine in my eyes
And fire in my belly, scorching and hungry
Ready to begin again

(that is my motto for the hard times I am going through right now!!! Do you mind if I post this on my page by you? thanks.)

[Bhavya Kaushik]

The structure of this piece is very clear - loved that thing the most about it.
Thought the entire text was very inspiring, but these two sentences :
"As the butterfly who opens her wings for flight
I will begin anew to fly again" really stood out for me, as I think they captured the essence of this poem. Well done!

[Vinod Kumar U K]

Beautiful lines...

[Everson Taveras]

Though this common demand for raw criticism can be easily confused for good critique and/ or someone just blatantly thrashing and shredding your work, that, and long with "be careful what you wish for" does not seem to apply here. The depiction and choreographic dance from confinement to ultimate, utter and sheer liberation is captivating. Where such rawness may buzz with bewilderment and the stench for clarification, the message is not only clear--- it is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

[Richard Anthony Goulart]

This is absolutely, and unconditionally the best poem that I have heard in a long while. You have done super upon this poem and blessed the readers with this wonderful read. On the rating down below the Review box I would give you a 1000/100 but unfortunately I cannot. Great read, Great poem and have a great day.

[*~*Butterfly Kisses*~*]

Wow this is so beautiful its hard for me to come up with anything negative, let alone a review that would do this piece justice. I am blown away by how much beauty lies within these lines. Inspiring.


~Anna Rose

[Cascara (aka Sprint Goe..]

This was a very good raw write!
I like the analogy you made.

[Priscilla Sayers]

Beautifully written, it touches the soul, enlightens the being, gives hope to those who are in present are tossed by the storm and mayme drowning, but to read this would be of great benefit for those who seek that hope so many of us rely on.
Loved every word.

[Dove]

This poem is so beautiful. The second stanza won me over. You did a great job on this piece and I could tell its raw.

[Solaris LeRouche]

Yes, I know how you feel!
Its very untamed.
You should never edit the way you feel!
But we're trained from birth to be quiet and polite.
so instead of saying how you really feel you bottle it up, and its all just to please some adults. Half of them, we don't even know!

[Brytt]

Line seven: did you mean "comfort"? Or is confort correct?

LOVE LOVE LOVE!