Possessed

 

 

 

Last night I tried to call police,

no answer.

There were entities knocking

at my door.

The first knock, a dark figure,

had a gun.

Told him cops were coming,

he turned to run.

The second knock, a figure,

white skin and red eyes.

I opened the door quickly,

a coward in disguise.

The third visit came,

without turn of door.

I sat still, while our souls

waged their war.

I could smell and see,

could not touch.

The demons released

were once my crutch.

Even though my demons

were sent away,

They kept coming back,

chasing and taunting strength

wandering astray.

Persistence was their tool

putting my spirit under attack.

I continued to wage this war

all through my night.

My body grew tired

determined to win this fight.

The morning sun warmth

on my pale face.

Last night's dreams

sent to final resting place.

Reviews

[Kitty]

When I read this I had to read it again.. It seems this dream is about the going back and forth of an addiction..
First time... you tell the habit no.
second time.. you try it but you run from the habit from fear...that you liked it.
third time...it came and you had to strength nor will to fight it since you liked it..
the last time.. you were freed from the addiction.. though you fought it a while before it left you.
..the nightmare is over. You are free from the addiction..the nightmare is over..
If this is a write from a personal experience, this is a metaphor of a stage in your life. not just a dream.
maybe mine too.. :)

Well written...

[Captain Blackheart (The..]

The demons came in the night, knocking upon your door. A very good write, wonderful flow and rhyme. A great piece!

[Murphy]

This is very engaging. A fascinating piece that progresses at a frightening pace. I like it.

[Erin Phoenix]

"I could smell and see,
Could not touch.
The demons released
Were once my crutch"

^

Great!

[Sha*Z*ta]

I love your way of expression demons and fears are still as one but that is gone with the morning sun.
Dreams like these are no fun I like it when I run and run so fast my feet can't touch the street fly peacefully deeper into sleep.

[BlakeL79]

The process and the progress. I enjoy the way this poem moves forward, shows stages of development, and ends at least for a night. A good read.

[J.P.O.et]

This is an interesting piece,
I interpret it as all those demons that we must avoid.
'Friends' and fiends that try to draw us back in and want a partner
in falling down in the depths. I'm glad you have found that strength
Be strong my friend
J.P.O.et

[Kasey Klein]

Hi Jenn.

Nicely done. I've had such dreams, sometimes when awake.

[A.r. Bazian]

you know how they say that the dreamless soul is dead?!
i wait and wish upon a dream... just to feel alive again!

the poem is so vivid!
so real!

i like it!

broken rhyme fits great!
i like it!

[Bennett Logan]

I like this. You used plain language to describe what seemed to be a pretty indescribable dream. I've written about dreams before, but I wind up scrapping most of the work I start. It ends up sounding too disjointed. You, on the other hand, did well here. Your point is clear, and I like how you wrapped up a pretty dark rendition of your dream with a pretty optomistic ending.

I especially liked lines 15-20. They flowed well and were just enough to give me a very interesting picture to look at.

I like that this poem is well thought out, and I can tell you worked with the wording a good bit. I'm all about reducing a poem down to its bare bones, but lines 11 and 27 could use a little help.

Line 11, for instance...
"I opened door quickly," would flow better with the "the" there, I think... I stumbled over the line a couple times when I first read it.

And the same goes for line 27:
"Putting spirit under attack," would work better with the addition of a pronoun. If we're talking about the narrator's soul, then "my" would put a name with a face, so to speak.

Anyway, I really enjoyed this one. Keep up the good work.