Withering

 

Like a leaf waiting

to fall
out of her season; she sighs
- sees encircling buds
burst forth,
then drifts away on the breeze.  

 

 

 

Author's Note

I changed the last line on this one 'she hangs on a branch that decays' as friends said it didn't make sense. Is this weaker?

Reviews

[Cdnsurfer]

Hmm. Interesting form this Chofu (5-2-7-5-2-7). I"ll have to try it. Sad feel to this piece, Vanessa, but well done. It creates a soft flow. Especially liked the line "out of her season", and the almost envious look back at youth in "sees encircling buds/burst forth". Cheers!

[Gandré]

The most wonderful chofu ever!
wow. u r a goddess my dear.

[Donald Meikle]

Now that's poetry, in any form. So sad, and yet, she's hanging in there.

[James K. Blaylock]

This is a rather beautiful piece. I really enjoyed reading it. Good luck on the contest..

[Poeticpiers]

Ineffably dad Vanessa as though life has passed her by completely

[Silvia - Scribo, Ergo S..]

Wonderful, compact, circle of life poem.

[Nathan Strange]

short and sweet but very sad at then... nice though