What are you?

I need you

When you're there I feel sane

When you're gone slip away

I hear you're voice and I fight

I hear nothing and I'm pulled under

 You're not just a friend

You're a life

A breath 

A soul

And a grip on humanity

You're what I need

 

Reviews

[Ruth]

I like the structure:)
Its realistic and the chat speak doesn't bother me:) It adds realism:)
xx

[faryn wolff]

This would flow better if you did not used chat speak. It should be a rule that chat speak is banned from poems, unless the poem deals with chat speak. So, 'ur' should be 'you're' and you should also use 'you're' instead of 'your'. Remember, 'your' is used possesively. 'You're' is a contraction for 'you are'.

The essence itself is nice enough, but it could stand to be tidied up a bit, word wise. Perhaps adding an 'I' between 'gone' and 'slip' in the line 'when you('re) gone slip away).

So yes, fix it up a bit, and it will be much nicer. Good job :)

-Faryn

[TTBoy28]

The title is confusing. You may want to correct the "your"s and make them "you're"s. I wouldn't use the "ur"s partly. If you are going to use them, you them throughout your poem. It would ring better for you. Good job!