The Lady With The Cigarette

Last night

Was the first night I ever really felt alive 

As your lips touched mine

I came back to life

And all that s**t I called reality became irrelevant

Because in that moment it was just us

Nobody else

And while you lied on top of me

Shirtless, skin on skin

I was breathing in your breath

You felt so nice

And I knew I needed you

Because it seemed as if we were almost made for each other

Our bodies fit perfectly together

I felt like I belonged to you

Like we belonged together

And I didn't want it to end

But I guess you were just into the moment

Not into me

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I wish your poem included something that ties it to the title, a well-stated title that could lend itself to this interesting little vignette. Your story in a poem works well to take the reader on this sad little journey of false anticipation & final disappointment. Her well-detailed fantasies during the encounter are nicely contrasted to the final realization, so harshly true-to-life.

[Coyote Poetry]

Cigarettes and attempt at love. Cigarettes can give us peace and love make the mind go foolish and wishful.
"But I guess you were just into the moment
Not into me"
Funny how somethings can feel so good and not be real. Thank you Kenzie for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Emily]

Love this!
I really like the title too!
Keep it up!

[Bear]

Critique: The sentence structure as you have it restricts the flow, I would like to offer you an editing sentence restructure if it won't offend you. This gives it better flow and reads more dramatically

Last night was the first night
That I ever really felt alive
As your lips touched mine
I came back to life
And all that s**t I called reality
Became irrelevant
Because in that moment
It was just us and nobody else
And while you lied on top of me
Shirtless, skin on skin
I was breathing in your breath
You felt so nice
And I knew I needed you
Because it seemed as if
We were almost made for each other
Our bodies fit perfectly together
I felt like I belonged to you
Like we belonged together
And I didn't want it to end
But I guess you were
Just into the moment
And not into me

Review: Good emotion viewed with the open-mindedness of the free love 60's, no regrets, no anger, no shame just open minded logic. I don't see this very often these days, it was refreshing and a pleasure to read Standing Ovation! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!