hey...

 

Cloudy eyes...frozen tears

and...

in this forgotten town

cry for my old dream

sing for my lost childhood

and, plot ever beautiful things

for my rotten life.

hey...

may I cry with you?

 

 

Author's Note

It is my life.....

Reviews

[Junert]

Allow me cry with you.

[keyvan]

thank you.....

[Holly Mason]

come on in, I have tissues
thank you for sharing

[Jack Dawkins]

Good poem but I would like to see comma's after town and dream. Also you seem tolike using ... which from what I understand indicate a pause. ( I am guilty of using them also)
It's just for me, I would prefer to see a comma between eyes and frozen then the pause after and. There's no wrong or right in this it's just personal opinion which carries no weight or authority form my side. Only you know what you were trying to say...it's your creation and it's wonderful the way it is.

[keyvan]

thank for your opinion.....thank you so much

[Jack Dawkins]

your welcome that's one thig we all have a lot of.

[MOON]

Poignant write told with humour.lovely

[keyvan]

thank you...

[fireblossom]

A very good poem. Emotion, sadness and hope are all present. 'Cloudy eyes...Frozen tears...cry for my old dream... All well chosen expressions.

[keyvan]

thank you...

[EileenMarie]

I nice but very emotional poem. Great job!

[David Lewis Paget]

If you want help, use 'forgotten' instead of forgot. Then 'I cry...' (Otherwise the reader may think you are asking them to cry). 'and, plot ever more beautiful things'.
'May' I cry with you, is softer.
All the best...

[keyvan]

thank you......

[KurKota]

Hello, welcome to this crazy site ! This is a very nice piece. I can realte to what you are saying in it. Although, I don't really reach out as much as I could, there are alot of nice people that I have met on here. Check out Frieda P when you get a chance...she has alot of to say :) and is a very nice person to "know"...there are others I could suggest but I am sure you will find yours as you go. But back to it....nice entry piece here !!!

[keyvan]

thank you so much...

[KurKota]

You are welcome.