My Dark Days

This is a poem that hopefully tugs at the heartstrings and helps you up a little bit.

The feeling of emptiness
Creeping inside
Like a snake in the night,
You just want to hide.
Alone in the dark
You sit and you wait.
Soon you have to go
To the place that you hate.
You lie so still
With no urge to move.
You say that you're fine
It's just a bad mood.
But I know your secret
I know what your thinking
You look like s**t
That boy can't be winking.
You stand up tall
And hold your head high
A paragon of happiness
Yet inside, you slowly die.
You cry out for help
But no one will hear
Don't sit and wonder,
They've covered their ears.
They don't care
So why should you?
The train has left
Learn to love yourself, it's all you can do.

Reviews

[songstress]

That's an interesting piece. As your reading you set an easy rhythm, and the analogies and comparisons provide a good image of your subject-which only pushes the reader to ask why (what or who are you writing about). only to realize towards the end what your subject is.

So, you do a good job of showing rather than telling is what I'm trying to say. the ending is abrupt and sad in itself. but, true and massive in the sentiment. great job.

[Kaitlynn]

Thank you. :) It means a lot

[songstress]

you're welcome. I truly did enjoy the rhythm. it made you're piece musical.

[Kaitlynn]

Yeah. I was in a musical mood haha